True Stories
Below you will find an assortment of true stories, real quotes, fun times and eventful moments in our life. Some of the stories might be rated PG, others might be a little gross, but I tell them like they actually happened. Enjoy!!
How many Blondes does it take to clean the toilet (2016)
Isabella 20 years old - continuing to perpetuate the dizzy blonde stereotype. Isabella was cleaning the bathroom. Lisa had purchased - "An easy-to-use toilet cleaner tablet that helps to clean, sanitize and deodorize your toilet with each flush." Bella read the instructions which said - "flush the toilet - when the water is low - drop in the tablet." So Bella flushed the toilet - then dropped the tablet into the bowl of the toilet. She then flushed the toilet again. The tablet went partially down and became lodged into the toilet. Bella satisfied with her work, moved on to the next task. That was fine ... until the toilet actually needed to be flushed, and of course - nothing could get past the lodged tablet - that was "sanitizing and deodorizing with each flush."
After Lisa did some investigating and discovered that the tablet was dropped into the bowl rather than the tank, she had to reach in and pull out the tablet. Gross! Need a housekeeper? Isabella is available!
Isabella 20 years old - continuing to perpetuate the dizzy blonde stereotype. Isabella was cleaning the bathroom. Lisa had purchased - "An easy-to-use toilet cleaner tablet that helps to clean, sanitize and deodorize your toilet with each flush." Bella read the instructions which said - "flush the toilet - when the water is low - drop in the tablet." So Bella flushed the toilet - then dropped the tablet into the bowl of the toilet. She then flushed the toilet again. The tablet went partially down and became lodged into the toilet. Bella satisfied with her work, moved on to the next task. That was fine ... until the toilet actually needed to be flushed, and of course - nothing could get past the lodged tablet - that was "sanitizing and deodorizing with each flush."
After Lisa did some investigating and discovered that the tablet was dropped into the bowl rather than the tank, she had to reach in and pull out the tablet. Gross! Need a housekeeper? Isabella is available!
Eli's got a personality! (2014 - 6-7 years old)
Eli often looks for excuses to skip school. One day he claimed he injured his leg. “I don’t want to go to school and have the kids see me ‘humping’ (limping)!”
I was having a conversation with Eli, when I said to him that “I am old and fat”. Eli replied, “Dad, you’re not old!”
Here’s a conversation in the car:
Me – “Eli, did you fall asleep?”
Eli - “No.”
Me – “Why are you so quiet?”
Eli – “Uhhhh, because I'm not really talking that much.”
On day I was praying protection over Eli. I don’t remember exactly how my prayer went, but I prayed something like, “I plead the blood of Jesus over Eli, and come against the power of evil.” I ended the prayer and Eli looked at me and said, “You prayed some weird things.”
Eli got on the scale, looked at his weight. He then got off, and back on again. He exclaimed, “I grew an inch!” Later I saw him standing on the scales holding clothes, towels and two pair of shoes so he would weigh more.
Lisa and I have been working on eating healthier and trying to lose weight. Eli saw Lisa eat a cookie and asked, “Are you on a fake diet?”
Eli got into the hot car and in a desperate voice says, “Will someone turn the heat down to zero?”
As we sat in the living room Eli could be heard spraying whipped cream into a cup of hot chocolate he just made. The spraying of the whipped cream went on for too long, so Luke jumped up to check on him. Luke then calls out to Lisa and I, "He's too short! He sprayed it all over the wall."
Eli asked me what it meant for a person to be “straight.” I carefully considered how to answer that question. I gave Eli an explanation, providing him enough of the facts so a six year old could understand. Eli looked at me strange, and then told me, “Conner says you’re straight.” I told Lisa of our conversation, and the two of us had a little chuckle. Later Eli told Lisa, “Daddy is straight because he always says - no.” Lisa asks, “Do you mean strict?” “Oh yeah! Strict!” I bet my explanation of what it meant to be “straight” really confused Eli!
Eli - "$8, that's a lot! How much is that?" Luke replied - "$8"
Eli came to me to tattle on Luke. When he informed me of the mistreatment he was receiving from Luke I asked Eli, “Why is Luke being mean?” Eli replied, "I don’t know. All I did was lightly kick him in the nuts."
Eli asked, “Can you add whoop cream to my smoothie?”
We had saved a TV show to the DVR. As we came to a commercial I skipped passed it. Eli told us that he didn't like having to fast forward through commercials. I then told Eli that when I was young we couldn't even record shows. He said in an understanding voice, "Yeah. They didn't have cars back then."
Eli struggled most of his kindergarten year with spelling and reading. He was a math whiz, but words just were difficult for him. He received special attention and teaching, and by the end of the year he started to catch up with the rest of his class. Now he is getting good at sounding out words. But for any six year old – the English language can be a challenge. Recently he was asked to spell - thumb. He thought about it – sounded the word out – then spelled. F - U – M.
Eli often looks for excuses to skip school. One day he claimed he injured his leg. “I don’t want to go to school and have the kids see me ‘humping’ (limping)!”
I was having a conversation with Eli, when I said to him that “I am old and fat”. Eli replied, “Dad, you’re not old!”
Here’s a conversation in the car:
Me – “Eli, did you fall asleep?”
Eli - “No.”
Me – “Why are you so quiet?”
Eli – “Uhhhh, because I'm not really talking that much.”
On day I was praying protection over Eli. I don’t remember exactly how my prayer went, but I prayed something like, “I plead the blood of Jesus over Eli, and come against the power of evil.” I ended the prayer and Eli looked at me and said, “You prayed some weird things.”
Eli got on the scale, looked at his weight. He then got off, and back on again. He exclaimed, “I grew an inch!” Later I saw him standing on the scales holding clothes, towels and two pair of shoes so he would weigh more.
Lisa and I have been working on eating healthier and trying to lose weight. Eli saw Lisa eat a cookie and asked, “Are you on a fake diet?”
Eli got into the hot car and in a desperate voice says, “Will someone turn the heat down to zero?”
As we sat in the living room Eli could be heard spraying whipped cream into a cup of hot chocolate he just made. The spraying of the whipped cream went on for too long, so Luke jumped up to check on him. Luke then calls out to Lisa and I, "He's too short! He sprayed it all over the wall."
Eli asked me what it meant for a person to be “straight.” I carefully considered how to answer that question. I gave Eli an explanation, providing him enough of the facts so a six year old could understand. Eli looked at me strange, and then told me, “Conner says you’re straight.” I told Lisa of our conversation, and the two of us had a little chuckle. Later Eli told Lisa, “Daddy is straight because he always says - no.” Lisa asks, “Do you mean strict?” “Oh yeah! Strict!” I bet my explanation of what it meant to be “straight” really confused Eli!
Eli - "$8, that's a lot! How much is that?" Luke replied - "$8"
Eli came to me to tattle on Luke. When he informed me of the mistreatment he was receiving from Luke I asked Eli, “Why is Luke being mean?” Eli replied, "I don’t know. All I did was lightly kick him in the nuts."
Eli asked, “Can you add whoop cream to my smoothie?”
We had saved a TV show to the DVR. As we came to a commercial I skipped passed it. Eli told us that he didn't like having to fast forward through commercials. I then told Eli that when I was young we couldn't even record shows. He said in an understanding voice, "Yeah. They didn't have cars back then."
Eli struggled most of his kindergarten year with spelling and reading. He was a math whiz, but words just were difficult for him. He received special attention and teaching, and by the end of the year he started to catch up with the rest of his class. Now he is getting good at sounding out words. But for any six year old – the English language can be a challenge. Recently he was asked to spell - thumb. He thought about it – sounded the word out – then spelled. F - U – M.
Sibling Rivalry
2014 - Sophia and Gabi came home from school. I was inside the house and heard the bus pull up. They didn't come inside right away, but I didn't think much about it. After about a half hour the two of them came inside. I asked why they stayed outside so long. Apparently, for some reason, they began arguing about who should have to punch in the code and open the garage door. Such a difficult task! Both refused to give in, so they both just stood there arguing about who was going to open the garage door. I'm not sure who eventually gave in?!
Gabi 2014 - I'm your best child. Not the one you like the most. Just your best.
2014 - Sophia and Gabi came home from school. I was inside the house and heard the bus pull up. They didn't come inside right away, but I didn't think much about it. After about a half hour the two of them came inside. I asked why they stayed outside so long. Apparently, for some reason, they began arguing about who should have to punch in the code and open the garage door. Such a difficult task! Both refused to give in, so they both just stood there arguing about who was going to open the garage door. I'm not sure who eventually gave in?!
Gabi 2014 - I'm your best child. Not the one you like the most. Just your best.
Yard Work
Summer 2014 - A humiliating story! We were preparing a flower garden that was to be dedicated to Lydia. The garden was lined with rock boulders and it was to be filled with purple flowers - Lydia's favorite color. A load of black dirt had been delivered, and I was filling in the last few wheel barrow loads. I had placed a piece of fiber-board as a ramp to run the dirt-filled wheel barrow up the rock border. I got a good running start and pushed the load of dirt up the ramp. As the wheel reached the top of the ramp the wheel barrow went over the top edge of the board a bit too far. It flipped up the board. As the wheel barrow fell off the top of the ramp it pulled me forward and my shin struck the edge of the raised board with great force. Not only did the momentum carry my shin into the board, but it, also pulled my entire body forward, causing me to fall onto the board as the wheel barrow tumbled into the garden. I lost my grip on the handles of the full wheel barrow (or maybe I just let go to try to try to soften my landing). At that point as the un-guided load of dirt slid off the top of the ramp, it landed at an angle, which caused the handles of the wheel barrow to quickly swing to the left, directly into my face, just below my right eye. My sun glasses went flying, my ball cap went flying, and the momentum of my falling body changed directions. I found myself lying flat on my back. My shin was screaming! The face was starting to feel the sting of the blow from the wheel barrow handle. I laid flat on my back - feeling old and humbled. I thought to myself, I am so glad our yard is not surrounded by neighbors who might have witnessed my act of great coordination and athletic prowess. After a few seconds (or minutes), I gathered myself, and continued on with the work at hand. Yes my shin got infected and took weeks to heal, and yes I had to explain why my face was scraped and scabbed, and to this day I have to explain the large scar on my leg … but that is all part of weekend yard-work - right?
Summer 2014 - A humiliating story! We were preparing a flower garden that was to be dedicated to Lydia. The garden was lined with rock boulders and it was to be filled with purple flowers - Lydia's favorite color. A load of black dirt had been delivered, and I was filling in the last few wheel barrow loads. I had placed a piece of fiber-board as a ramp to run the dirt-filled wheel barrow up the rock border. I got a good running start and pushed the load of dirt up the ramp. As the wheel reached the top of the ramp the wheel barrow went over the top edge of the board a bit too far. It flipped up the board. As the wheel barrow fell off the top of the ramp it pulled me forward and my shin struck the edge of the raised board with great force. Not only did the momentum carry my shin into the board, but it, also pulled my entire body forward, causing me to fall onto the board as the wheel barrow tumbled into the garden. I lost my grip on the handles of the full wheel barrow (or maybe I just let go to try to try to soften my landing). At that point as the un-guided load of dirt slid off the top of the ramp, it landed at an angle, which caused the handles of the wheel barrow to quickly swing to the left, directly into my face, just below my right eye. My sun glasses went flying, my ball cap went flying, and the momentum of my falling body changed directions. I found myself lying flat on my back. My shin was screaming! The face was starting to feel the sting of the blow from the wheel barrow handle. I laid flat on my back - feeling old and humbled. I thought to myself, I am so glad our yard is not surrounded by neighbors who might have witnessed my act of great coordination and athletic prowess. After a few seconds (or minutes), I gathered myself, and continued on with the work at hand. Yes my shin got infected and took weeks to heal, and yes I had to explain why my face was scraped and scabbed, and to this day I have to explain the large scar on my leg … but that is all part of weekend yard-work - right?
On Target
I was standing by the exit of Target waiting for my family. A customer pushing an empty cart was headed my way. I took a slight step aside to get out of the way. The customer then made a slight adjustment and was again headed right at me. I then took several steps to the left to get out of this person way. The customer once again adjusted their route and pushed the cart straight at me. I just stood their, confused and amazed. The customer pushed the cart right up to me, then let go of the cart and walked out the door. At that moment I realized wearing khakis and a red shirt into Target is a bad move.
I was standing by the exit of Target waiting for my family. A customer pushing an empty cart was headed my way. I took a slight step aside to get out of the way. The customer then made a slight adjustment and was again headed right at me. I then took several steps to the left to get out of this person way. The customer once again adjusted their route and pushed the cart straight at me. I just stood their, confused and amazed. The customer pushed the cart right up to me, then let go of the cart and walked out the door. At that moment I realized wearing khakis and a red shirt into Target is a bad move.
How to Cook the Perfect Turkey
2013 - There has always been something intimidating about preparing a turkey. This Thanksgiving I decided I was going to go the extra mile and grill the turkey on my grill. Last summer I purchased a Traeger Grill, which is a combination smoker and grill that burns wood pellets. Food coming off that grill is delicious! I knew a turkey grilled on my Traeger would be amazing … if I did everything right.
I studied many recipes online. I watched YouTube videos … how to grill a turkey on a Traeger. It was Wednesday night and I had set my mind on grilling that 16-lb bird that was sitting in our refrigerator. All the recipes I read for grilling a turkey said I needed to brine the turkey overnight. I went shopping to find a container to brine the turkey and came across a brining bag. That seemed like it should do the trick. I filled my cart with additional items called for in the recipe, and drove for home.
As I walked in the door, I instructed one of the children to fetch the turkey, and I began to lay out all the items needed for the brining process. I was convinced this was going to be the best turkey ever. I placed the turkey on a cutting board and began to cut the bird free from the plastic netting and wrapping. When I finally thought the turkey was free from the packaging, I lifted it with one hand while trying to pull the plastic wrap from under the bird with the other. What I didn’t see was that the plastic wrapping was full of reddish turkey “juice,” which spilled from the bag, and washed across the counter and onto the floor. My patience was thin being that it was the end of a long day, but with the help of two of my wonderful daughters, we cleaned it up.
Now let’s start the brining process! I placed the big turkey into the brining bag, which was a large, heavy duty zip-lock bag. The instructions said to fill the bag with water until the turkey was covered. I began to add water into the bag a gallon at a time. One gallon added, return to the sink - fill the container, a second gallon added - then a third – then a fourth. As I was returning to the sink ... the bag with a turkey and four gallons of water shifted and one side collapsed. Turkey-water began to pour from the bag across the counter, and onto the floor. Fortunately Sophia was standing nearby and grabbed the bag, preventing an absolute disaster!! Even so, a great mess had been created. And this was turkey-water! Gross! The brining process was put on hold and we cleaned up mess number 2.
I had learned a valuable lesson about the stability of a brining bag filled with water! I placed the bag into a roasting pan to create greater stability. I was also paying great care to hold the bag as more water was added. It took several more gallons before the turkey was completely covered. I removed a few cups of water and began boiling the water, . As that was taking place I added How to Cook the Perfect Turkey
There has always been something intimidating about preparing a turkey for guests. This Thanksgiving I decided I was going to go the extra mile and grill the turkey on my grill. Last summer I purchased a Traeger Grill, which is a combination smoker and grill that burns wood pellets. Food coming off that grill is delicious! I knew a turkey grilled on my Traeger would be amazing … if I did everything right.
I studied many recipes online. I watched YouTube videos … how to grill a turkey on a Traeger. Then I chickened-out and decided not to grill the turkey; the traditional route was safe. Let’s just have Lisa roast the turkey in the oven. But as Thanksgiving approached, I suddenly was filled with a renewed spirit of adventurism. And since spell-check didn’t correct me, adventurism must be a real word. It was Wednesday night and I had set my mind on grilling that 16-lb bird that was sitting in our refrigerator. All the recipes I read for grilling a turkey said I needed to brine the turkey overnight. I went shopping to find a container to brine the turkey and came across a brining bag. That seemed like it should do the trick. I filled my cart with additional items called for in the recipe, and drove for home.
As I walked in the door, I instructed one of the children to fetch the turkey, and I began to lay out all the items needed for the brining process. I was convinced this was going to be the best turkey ever. I placed the turkey on a cutting board and began to cut the bird free from the plastic netting and wrapping. When I finally thought the turkey was free from the packaging, I lifted it with one hand while trying to pull the plastic wrap from under the bird with the other. What I didn’t see was that the plastic wrapping was full of reddish turkey “juice,” which spilled from the bag, and washed across the counter and onto the floor. Although my patience was thin, being that it was the end of a long day, I bit my tongue and with the help of two of my wonderful daughters, we cleaned it up.
Now let’s start the brining process! I placed the big turkey into the brining bag, which was a large, heavy duty zip-lock bag. The instructions said to fill the bag with water until the turkey was covered, then remove a few cups to place on the stovetop to boil and dissolve the salt and sugar. Once cooled, this solution would be added back into the bag. I began to add water into the bag a gallon at a time. One gallon added, return to the sink - fill the container, a second gallon added - then a third – then a fourth. As I was returning to the sink ... the bag with a turkey and four gallons of water shifted and one side collapsed. Turkey-water began to pour from the bag across the counter, and onto the floor. Fortunately Sophia was standing nearby and grabbed the bag, preventing an absolute disaster!! Even so, a great mess had been created. And this was turkey-water! Gross! The brining process was put on hold and we cleaned up mess number 2.
I had learned a valuable lesson about the stability of a brining bag filled with water! I placed the bag into a roasting pan to create greater stability. I was also paying great care to hold the bag as more water was added. It took several more gallons before the turkey was completely covered. I then added salt, sugar, maple syrup, lemon juice, molasses, pepper and minced garlic. I was somewhat surprised to find that the potion in the bag, in which our turkey was going to soak all night … did not smell pleasant. It actually smelled bad.
All of a sudden a commotion broke out in the living room. I don’t know what the source of the argument might have been, but Gabriella said something mean to Isabella, and Isabella in a state of rage was up and out of her chair shouting unkind words at Gabi. I quickly interjected myself into their feud and started to lecture them about being kind to one another ……….
I let me guard down! The bag collapsed on one side and a tsunami of smelly brining solution (maple syrup, molasses, turkey juices, etc) washed over the bar counter, onto the bar stools, onto the floor, across the floor, under the table and chairs … Sophia screamed a blood-chilling scream as she saw the disaster unfold. I grabbed the bag and saved more than half of the liquid potion, but not in time to stop a horrible, smelly, sticky mess. Cookbooks were ruined, papers were soaked, and it took fifteen full-sized bath towels to soak up the mess.
After a significant amount of time, the kitchen was cleaned. The entire family chipped in, removing all the furniture in the dining room, washing the bottom of each chair and table leg. Wiping down the bar stools, mopping the floor that was covered in minced garlic, etc., etc. Then I returned to the turkey. I utilized what was left of the brining mix, then sealed up the bag. By now this had become an entire family project, and we were standing around the turkey bag, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Then someone noted that liquid was dripping from under the bag onto the floor. The flow started to increase. Suddenly we all realized that a hole had formed in the bag and brine was leaking, and doing so with ever increasing velocity. Panic set in. I grabbed the bag and tried to reduce the flow. Lisa suggested duct tape! One of the kids suggested a large bucket. Someone grabbed the bucket and Sophia took it and began washing it. I lifted the bag up high, the bucket was moved into position, and the turkey and bag slid perfectly into the bucket. The turkey was secure, placed in the garage to stay cool over-night. The mess was cleaned. Wow – that was a lot of work just so we could grill a turkey!
The next day: Dinner is to be served at 3:00pm. Pre-heat the grill, get the turkey out of the bag, clean it, fill it with stuffing, 4 hours of cooking time, 20 minutes required for the bird to rest after removing from the grill, 15 minutes to carve. I had the time figured out perfectly. At that perfect time, I went outside and clicked on the switch to the grill. The grill runs on an electric motor that augers the wood pellets into the heating element. Like everything these days, it is all controlled by a computer board. Like I said, I clicked on the switch … the LED readout says “ERR!” No way! A grill is giving me an error message?!
I spend about an hour of researching the issue on the internet, and talking to Traeger service representatives on the phone, all the while Lisa is saying, “Let’s just put it in the oven.” I finally have to give up on the idea of grilling my turkey!! We put the turkey in the oven and call our guests to delay dinner by one hour.
Just then – as luck would have it … the kitchen drain gets clogged! Yes – completely backed up. Draino did not do the trick. I then emptied the cupboards under the sink. I took apart the plumbing under the sink. Water washes partly into the bucket I placed under the sink, but also onto my arms. Draino on the arms stings a bit! The trap was not clogged. I ran a 12 foot snake down the pipes. Still no success. With guests arriving soon and I hadn’t taken my shower, I decided to contact a plumber. Once online I decided upon Roto-Rooter whose website advertised 24/7, holidays and weekends same price. It was about 1:30pm and they told me they would be at our home between 3:00pm and 6:00pm. The guests were to arrive at 4:00pm. It could be worse! At least the drain would be fixed in time to clean up the wonderful meal. But you know – that is not the way things were happening at our house this holiday. NO! We receive a call from Roto-Rooter as we were sitting down for dinner. They were sorry, but there was no one available in our area, and they would not be able to come to our house today.
Well, we did the dishes – all by hand (because the dishwasher uses the same drain) in the laundry tub!
And after all that, the turkey was the best, most moist we have ever prepared! It was awesome! Therefore I would suggest you follow the above instructions exactly. You will be assured of the most excellent turkey ever! And you will have created a Thanksgiving to remember for always.
2013 - There has always been something intimidating about preparing a turkey. This Thanksgiving I decided I was going to go the extra mile and grill the turkey on my grill. Last summer I purchased a Traeger Grill, which is a combination smoker and grill that burns wood pellets. Food coming off that grill is delicious! I knew a turkey grilled on my Traeger would be amazing … if I did everything right.
I studied many recipes online. I watched YouTube videos … how to grill a turkey on a Traeger. It was Wednesday night and I had set my mind on grilling that 16-lb bird that was sitting in our refrigerator. All the recipes I read for grilling a turkey said I needed to brine the turkey overnight. I went shopping to find a container to brine the turkey and came across a brining bag. That seemed like it should do the trick. I filled my cart with additional items called for in the recipe, and drove for home.
As I walked in the door, I instructed one of the children to fetch the turkey, and I began to lay out all the items needed for the brining process. I was convinced this was going to be the best turkey ever. I placed the turkey on a cutting board and began to cut the bird free from the plastic netting and wrapping. When I finally thought the turkey was free from the packaging, I lifted it with one hand while trying to pull the plastic wrap from under the bird with the other. What I didn’t see was that the plastic wrapping was full of reddish turkey “juice,” which spilled from the bag, and washed across the counter and onto the floor. My patience was thin being that it was the end of a long day, but with the help of two of my wonderful daughters, we cleaned it up.
Now let’s start the brining process! I placed the big turkey into the brining bag, which was a large, heavy duty zip-lock bag. The instructions said to fill the bag with water until the turkey was covered. I began to add water into the bag a gallon at a time. One gallon added, return to the sink - fill the container, a second gallon added - then a third – then a fourth. As I was returning to the sink ... the bag with a turkey and four gallons of water shifted and one side collapsed. Turkey-water began to pour from the bag across the counter, and onto the floor. Fortunately Sophia was standing nearby and grabbed the bag, preventing an absolute disaster!! Even so, a great mess had been created. And this was turkey-water! Gross! The brining process was put on hold and we cleaned up mess number 2.
I had learned a valuable lesson about the stability of a brining bag filled with water! I placed the bag into a roasting pan to create greater stability. I was also paying great care to hold the bag as more water was added. It took several more gallons before the turkey was completely covered. I removed a few cups of water and began boiling the water, . As that was taking place I added How to Cook the Perfect Turkey
There has always been something intimidating about preparing a turkey for guests. This Thanksgiving I decided I was going to go the extra mile and grill the turkey on my grill. Last summer I purchased a Traeger Grill, which is a combination smoker and grill that burns wood pellets. Food coming off that grill is delicious! I knew a turkey grilled on my Traeger would be amazing … if I did everything right.
I studied many recipes online. I watched YouTube videos … how to grill a turkey on a Traeger. Then I chickened-out and decided not to grill the turkey; the traditional route was safe. Let’s just have Lisa roast the turkey in the oven. But as Thanksgiving approached, I suddenly was filled with a renewed spirit of adventurism. And since spell-check didn’t correct me, adventurism must be a real word. It was Wednesday night and I had set my mind on grilling that 16-lb bird that was sitting in our refrigerator. All the recipes I read for grilling a turkey said I needed to brine the turkey overnight. I went shopping to find a container to brine the turkey and came across a brining bag. That seemed like it should do the trick. I filled my cart with additional items called for in the recipe, and drove for home.
As I walked in the door, I instructed one of the children to fetch the turkey, and I began to lay out all the items needed for the brining process. I was convinced this was going to be the best turkey ever. I placed the turkey on a cutting board and began to cut the bird free from the plastic netting and wrapping. When I finally thought the turkey was free from the packaging, I lifted it with one hand while trying to pull the plastic wrap from under the bird with the other. What I didn’t see was that the plastic wrapping was full of reddish turkey “juice,” which spilled from the bag, and washed across the counter and onto the floor. Although my patience was thin, being that it was the end of a long day, I bit my tongue and with the help of two of my wonderful daughters, we cleaned it up.
Now let’s start the brining process! I placed the big turkey into the brining bag, which was a large, heavy duty zip-lock bag. The instructions said to fill the bag with water until the turkey was covered, then remove a few cups to place on the stovetop to boil and dissolve the salt and sugar. Once cooled, this solution would be added back into the bag. I began to add water into the bag a gallon at a time. One gallon added, return to the sink - fill the container, a second gallon added - then a third – then a fourth. As I was returning to the sink ... the bag with a turkey and four gallons of water shifted and one side collapsed. Turkey-water began to pour from the bag across the counter, and onto the floor. Fortunately Sophia was standing nearby and grabbed the bag, preventing an absolute disaster!! Even so, a great mess had been created. And this was turkey-water! Gross! The brining process was put on hold and we cleaned up mess number 2.
I had learned a valuable lesson about the stability of a brining bag filled with water! I placed the bag into a roasting pan to create greater stability. I was also paying great care to hold the bag as more water was added. It took several more gallons before the turkey was completely covered. I then added salt, sugar, maple syrup, lemon juice, molasses, pepper and minced garlic. I was somewhat surprised to find that the potion in the bag, in which our turkey was going to soak all night … did not smell pleasant. It actually smelled bad.
All of a sudden a commotion broke out in the living room. I don’t know what the source of the argument might have been, but Gabriella said something mean to Isabella, and Isabella in a state of rage was up and out of her chair shouting unkind words at Gabi. I quickly interjected myself into their feud and started to lecture them about being kind to one another ……….
I let me guard down! The bag collapsed on one side and a tsunami of smelly brining solution (maple syrup, molasses, turkey juices, etc) washed over the bar counter, onto the bar stools, onto the floor, across the floor, under the table and chairs … Sophia screamed a blood-chilling scream as she saw the disaster unfold. I grabbed the bag and saved more than half of the liquid potion, but not in time to stop a horrible, smelly, sticky mess. Cookbooks were ruined, papers were soaked, and it took fifteen full-sized bath towels to soak up the mess.
After a significant amount of time, the kitchen was cleaned. The entire family chipped in, removing all the furniture in the dining room, washing the bottom of each chair and table leg. Wiping down the bar stools, mopping the floor that was covered in minced garlic, etc., etc. Then I returned to the turkey. I utilized what was left of the brining mix, then sealed up the bag. By now this had become an entire family project, and we were standing around the turkey bag, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Then someone noted that liquid was dripping from under the bag onto the floor. The flow started to increase. Suddenly we all realized that a hole had formed in the bag and brine was leaking, and doing so with ever increasing velocity. Panic set in. I grabbed the bag and tried to reduce the flow. Lisa suggested duct tape! One of the kids suggested a large bucket. Someone grabbed the bucket and Sophia took it and began washing it. I lifted the bag up high, the bucket was moved into position, and the turkey and bag slid perfectly into the bucket. The turkey was secure, placed in the garage to stay cool over-night. The mess was cleaned. Wow – that was a lot of work just so we could grill a turkey!
The next day: Dinner is to be served at 3:00pm. Pre-heat the grill, get the turkey out of the bag, clean it, fill it with stuffing, 4 hours of cooking time, 20 minutes required for the bird to rest after removing from the grill, 15 minutes to carve. I had the time figured out perfectly. At that perfect time, I went outside and clicked on the switch to the grill. The grill runs on an electric motor that augers the wood pellets into the heating element. Like everything these days, it is all controlled by a computer board. Like I said, I clicked on the switch … the LED readout says “ERR!” No way! A grill is giving me an error message?!
I spend about an hour of researching the issue on the internet, and talking to Traeger service representatives on the phone, all the while Lisa is saying, “Let’s just put it in the oven.” I finally have to give up on the idea of grilling my turkey!! We put the turkey in the oven and call our guests to delay dinner by one hour.
Just then – as luck would have it … the kitchen drain gets clogged! Yes – completely backed up. Draino did not do the trick. I then emptied the cupboards under the sink. I took apart the plumbing under the sink. Water washes partly into the bucket I placed under the sink, but also onto my arms. Draino on the arms stings a bit! The trap was not clogged. I ran a 12 foot snake down the pipes. Still no success. With guests arriving soon and I hadn’t taken my shower, I decided to contact a plumber. Once online I decided upon Roto-Rooter whose website advertised 24/7, holidays and weekends same price. It was about 1:30pm and they told me they would be at our home between 3:00pm and 6:00pm. The guests were to arrive at 4:00pm. It could be worse! At least the drain would be fixed in time to clean up the wonderful meal. But you know – that is not the way things were happening at our house this holiday. NO! We receive a call from Roto-Rooter as we were sitting down for dinner. They were sorry, but there was no one available in our area, and they would not be able to come to our house today.
Well, we did the dishes – all by hand (because the dishwasher uses the same drain) in the laundry tub!
And after all that, the turkey was the best, most moist we have ever prepared! It was awesome! Therefore I would suggest you follow the above instructions exactly. You will be assured of the most excellent turkey ever! And you will have created a Thanksgiving to remember for always.
Some 2013 Stories
I was trying to help Eli with reading and spelling. I asked him how to spell “cat.” He was struggling so I asked him to sound-out the word. I asked him, “What does ‘cat’ sound like?” Eli thought for a second, and then replied, “Meow?”
We often joke about dumb-blondes given that our family is filled with blondes. One day Gabi was frustrated by our joking and asked, “Why can’t red-heads be dumb?”
I volunteered one day at Eli’s school. As part of that experience, I got to eat lunch in the cafeteria with Eli and his classmates. We were sitting at tiny tables, designed with kindergarten through second graders in mind. I had just finished my lunch and everyone else was still eating. The following conversation took place:
Eli: “Daddy, you’re fast!”
Boy across from me: “Yeah, you’re fat.”
Girl sitting next to Eli: “You are fat!”
Me: “Eli didn’t say I was fat, he said I was fast.”
Boy across from me: Embarrassingly – “Oh.”
Girl sitting next to Eli: “Well you are fat!”
I was lighting candles one evening. One particular candle would not light. I kept trying, but the wick wouldn’t hold a flame. Lisa noticed what I was doing and urgently informed me that it was a fake candle with a battery in it. It melted a little, but stills works fine!
Eli had his tonsils and adenoids removed last Tuesday. The poor boy is having a tough time as he heals. He is a high-maintenance invalid! We gave him a cow bell to ring when he needs something. That was a mistake! He rings it constantly. Once he rang it and when Lisa came to find out what he needed, he told her he wanted the toy that was being advertised on TV for Christmas.
I was trying to help Eli with reading and spelling. I asked him how to spell “cat.” He was struggling so I asked him to sound-out the word. I asked him, “What does ‘cat’ sound like?” Eli thought for a second, and then replied, “Meow?”
We often joke about dumb-blondes given that our family is filled with blondes. One day Gabi was frustrated by our joking and asked, “Why can’t red-heads be dumb?”
I volunteered one day at Eli’s school. As part of that experience, I got to eat lunch in the cafeteria with Eli and his classmates. We were sitting at tiny tables, designed with kindergarten through second graders in mind. I had just finished my lunch and everyone else was still eating. The following conversation took place:
Eli: “Daddy, you’re fast!”
Boy across from me: “Yeah, you’re fat.”
Girl sitting next to Eli: “You are fat!”
Me: “Eli didn’t say I was fat, he said I was fast.”
Boy across from me: Embarrassingly – “Oh.”
Girl sitting next to Eli: “Well you are fat!”
I was lighting candles one evening. One particular candle would not light. I kept trying, but the wick wouldn’t hold a flame. Lisa noticed what I was doing and urgently informed me that it was a fake candle with a battery in it. It melted a little, but stills works fine!
Eli had his tonsils and adenoids removed last Tuesday. The poor boy is having a tough time as he heals. He is a high-maintenance invalid! We gave him a cow bell to ring when he needs something. That was a mistake! He rings it constantly. Once he rang it and when Lisa came to find out what he needed, he told her he wanted the toy that was being advertised on TV for Christmas.
... and More 2013 Quotes
We were at a friend’s graduation party where we saw an adorable little girl. I made a comment, “I'd like to adopt a little girl like that.” Luke chimed in, “I want you to adopt a boy my age.” Luke tends to have trouble getting along with both Gabi and Eli. So Lisa says, “So you can fight with him?” Luke replies, “No - buy an athletic one so I can play with him.”
At another graduation party Luke had noticed some people drinking a beverage that he thought he would like try, but was having trouble locating. He came up and asked me, “Where are those Mike's Hard Lemonade?”
Eli got in the car on a hot day he told me, "Turn the heat on cold!"
Luke overheard Lisa and I talking. One of us asked, “I wonder why they didn't have more children?” Luke looked surprised and asked, "You can just have more babies if you want to?"
We were at a baseball game and after Luke scored a run Eli proclaimed, “He got a home run!” For some unknown reason I corrected him and said, “No. He got a triple and scored on a passed ball.” Eli said, “He still got a home run.” I insisted, “He got a run, but not a home run.” I heard Eli quietly say under his breath, "You don't know what you're talking about."
Lisa was criticizing one of Isabella’s Tweets.
Bella – “Mom you don't even know what Twitter is.”
Lisa – “Well I know you don't twit stupid stuff.”
Bella – “My point exactly!”
Bella jumped in one day and gave her opinion of how Lisa and I should handle a parenting issue. Then she stated, "I should be the parent of this house. I have a lot of good input."
We were having a wonderful desert of strawberry shortcake topped with whipped cream. Thinking that Eli would prefer just the strawberries and whipped cream, Lisa prepared his without the shortcake. Eli noticed and asked, “Why didn't I get one of those buns?”
One evening after dark I asked Gabi to go out on the deck and bring something inside. She is afraid of the critters that lurk after dark and resisted. I insisted and she yells, “No, there's a crab on the window!” Bella, who is standing near says, “Gabi, we live in Minnesota! And it's a moth!”
Luke was watching the older boys play 21 (basketball game). He turns to me and asks, "How many points do you need to win 21?" (For those of you who don't know ... it's 21.)
Lisa woke Eli in the morning to go to school. He was very tired and his first words, "I want to quit Kindergarten." It was only the start of week 3 for him! Later we asked him why he said he wanted to quit kindergarten and he told us, "I want to get up, when I want to get up."
Luke asked me, "Why do girl's legs grow so fast?"
The school district allocated some extra money to the over-crowded kindergarten situation and hired an additional teacher after a month of school. They selected 3 kids from each class to fill this class, and Eli was one of the kids who were to be moved into the new class. When we told him that he was changing classes he was devastated. Now one of the ways I deal with sadness is to use humor. Sometimes my children don’t like this tactic, but I’m pretty sure I learned it from a couple of older Wilson men. I told Eli that his new teacher's name was Mrs. Thunder Bottom. After going to school the next day, Eli came home and notified us that he told his teacher, “My Daddy says my new teacher’s name is Mrs. Thunder Bottom.”
Luke was asking me questions such as, “How much do we pay for insurance?” “How much is the house payment?” “How much did we pay for our house?” He then asked why I was smiling. I told him it was because he was just like his big sister Lydia. She always asked those types of questions. Luke replied, “I don’t like not knowing things.”
The children were enjoying smoothies they had made. Eli heard me say “smoothie,” and he corrected me, “No Daddy, sm ooo ooo ooo vie.”
We were at a friend’s graduation party where we saw an adorable little girl. I made a comment, “I'd like to adopt a little girl like that.” Luke chimed in, “I want you to adopt a boy my age.” Luke tends to have trouble getting along with both Gabi and Eli. So Lisa says, “So you can fight with him?” Luke replies, “No - buy an athletic one so I can play with him.”
At another graduation party Luke had noticed some people drinking a beverage that he thought he would like try, but was having trouble locating. He came up and asked me, “Where are those Mike's Hard Lemonade?”
Eli got in the car on a hot day he told me, "Turn the heat on cold!"
Luke overheard Lisa and I talking. One of us asked, “I wonder why they didn't have more children?” Luke looked surprised and asked, "You can just have more babies if you want to?"
We were at a baseball game and after Luke scored a run Eli proclaimed, “He got a home run!” For some unknown reason I corrected him and said, “No. He got a triple and scored on a passed ball.” Eli said, “He still got a home run.” I insisted, “He got a run, but not a home run.” I heard Eli quietly say under his breath, "You don't know what you're talking about."
Lisa was criticizing one of Isabella’s Tweets.
Bella – “Mom you don't even know what Twitter is.”
Lisa – “Well I know you don't twit stupid stuff.”
Bella – “My point exactly!”
Bella jumped in one day and gave her opinion of how Lisa and I should handle a parenting issue. Then she stated, "I should be the parent of this house. I have a lot of good input."
We were having a wonderful desert of strawberry shortcake topped with whipped cream. Thinking that Eli would prefer just the strawberries and whipped cream, Lisa prepared his without the shortcake. Eli noticed and asked, “Why didn't I get one of those buns?”
One evening after dark I asked Gabi to go out on the deck and bring something inside. She is afraid of the critters that lurk after dark and resisted. I insisted and she yells, “No, there's a crab on the window!” Bella, who is standing near says, “Gabi, we live in Minnesota! And it's a moth!”
Luke was watching the older boys play 21 (basketball game). He turns to me and asks, "How many points do you need to win 21?" (For those of you who don't know ... it's 21.)
Lisa woke Eli in the morning to go to school. He was very tired and his first words, "I want to quit Kindergarten." It was only the start of week 3 for him! Later we asked him why he said he wanted to quit kindergarten and he told us, "I want to get up, when I want to get up."
Luke asked me, "Why do girl's legs grow so fast?"
The school district allocated some extra money to the over-crowded kindergarten situation and hired an additional teacher after a month of school. They selected 3 kids from each class to fill this class, and Eli was one of the kids who were to be moved into the new class. When we told him that he was changing classes he was devastated. Now one of the ways I deal with sadness is to use humor. Sometimes my children don’t like this tactic, but I’m pretty sure I learned it from a couple of older Wilson men. I told Eli that his new teacher's name was Mrs. Thunder Bottom. After going to school the next day, Eli came home and notified us that he told his teacher, “My Daddy says my new teacher’s name is Mrs. Thunder Bottom.”
Luke was asking me questions such as, “How much do we pay for insurance?” “How much is the house payment?” “How much did we pay for our house?” He then asked why I was smiling. I told him it was because he was just like his big sister Lydia. She always asked those types of questions. Luke replied, “I don’t like not knowing things.”
The children were enjoying smoothies they had made. Eli heard me say “smoothie,” and he corrected me, “No Daddy, sm ooo ooo ooo vie.”
Random Kid Stories & Quotes (2012)
Isabella 15 years old - perpetuates the dizzy blonde stereotype. Isabella had written something for class, and she showed it to her friend. Her friend read it and said, “Bella, cantaloupe don’t prance!” Isabella answer backs, “Yes they do. You know – the deer and the cantaloupe prancing?!” “Bella, cantaloupe is a melon – not an animal!”
Isabella was talking to her sisters and explained that two people were nocturnal twins. I interjected that they could see really well at night, and then started laughing. Bella yelled, “Don’t put that on your Blog!”
Eli 4 years old - was dressed up in the cowboy outfit his MiMi and PawPaw got him for Christmas. He was playing in my office while I was trying to work. Out of the blue he says, “E-ya howdy! I have a horse in my bottom.” He hesitates a minute then says, “ I don’t have a horse in my bottom. If I had a horse in my bottom I would explode.”
Eli was making karate-sounding noises and falling to the floor. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, “Fighting with myself.” I then asked who was winning. Eli replied, “I am.”
I was getting ready in the bathroom and Eli was in the bedroom changing his clothes. He walked into the bathroom without any pants on and was squeezing his private parts rather hard. I asked, “Eli what are you doing?” He responded, “Trying to pop my bubbles.”
Eli likes to climb up on the window sill of our family room and walk across the window. Lisa does not like this, as it gets finger prints on the windows. One day when Lisa was not around Eli climbs up and starts to walk across the window sill. I question him in a firm voice, “Are you allowed to do that Eli?!” Eli then says, “Sometimes when I do this and Mom doesn’t see me, she doesn’t say anything.”
Eli cannot fasten his own seatbelt. Trying to encourage him to make an effort I said to him, “4 year olds can fasten their own seatbelt.” Eli replied, matter of factly, “This one can’t.”
Eli belched and then made a funny face as he swallowed. He then said, “I almost blew out.”
I told Eli, “Stop jumping on the furniture.” He replied, “I’m not. I’m jumping off.”
As we were asking Eli to name various body parts, he was quite successful until we pointed to his forehead and asked, “What is this? Eli replied, “My upside.”
Lydia does not like Eli to pick up her little puppy (Pacey). He is just too rough and squeezes a bit too tight. One time when he was attempting to pick up the dog, Lydia said, “Eli, I told you to leave Pacey alone.” Eli was disappointed and tried to reason with Lydia. He said, “But I didn’t flop him! I didn’t throw him up and punch him! I didn’t kick him! I didn’t smash him!” Now … how can you argue with that!
Luke 9 years old - sarcastically replied to his friends, “I’m not deaf! I can see you!”
I asked Luke to check my e-mail. He answered me, “I don’t know how to check e-mail. I’m not a computerist.”
Luke was looking over my shoulder as I was filling out an on-line application for his football registration. After I answered a question Luke asked, “What does ‘NA’ mean?” I answered, “Non applicable.” Luke got bothered and exclaimed, “Hey, I’m athleticable!”
As we were having a conversation about a family acquaintance, Luke stated, "He probably doesn't go on dates because of his weight." Luke is not what you would call skinny, so I told him he better be careful or he won't get dates. He shot back at me, "Look at you - your fat." I then said, "Yeah - but I already got my girl." He hesitated, then looked at Lisa and asked, "How'd he do that?"
How Many Blondes Does it Take to Add Oil to a Car
2011 - Lisa calls me at work and asks if I have checked the oil lately; the oil warning light is on. Her Suburban burns oil and needs oil added every few weeks.
I tell her that I haven’t and she should check it.
She says, “But I haven’t taken a shower, and I’m in my jammies.”
“Lisa, you can’t drive if the warning light is on. You have to add oil.”
Lisa agrees.
I ask her, “You know how to do it – right?”
She replies, “Yes, but remind me.”
I tell her that the dipstick has the yellow handle on it.
"How do I get the hood open?"
With a little coaching she and Isabella figure out how to pop the hood and then pull the lever to open
it up. They quickly discover the dipstick.
“Make sure you don’t overfill it. Ok, you have it from here?”
Lisa hesitantly confirms that she can figure it out from this point.
Lisa and Isabella together check the oil and determine that they need to add a quart. Isabella goes into the store and buys a quart of oil and brings a paper funnel with her.
They study the funnel and Lisa says, “The hole in this funnel is too big.”
Together they try to make it work, but the funnel hole is bigger than the hole that the oil goes into.
Lisa goes into the store and asks for another funnel.
“The hole was too big in the first funnel you gave us.”
The guy in the store is puzzled and asks if he can take a look.
Lisa gladly accepts his offer, even though she is embarrassed by her appearance.
They walk to the Suburban and look under the hood.
Lisa happily exclaims, “Oh she got it to work!”
Isabella had folded the end of the funnel and fit it into the opening of the dipstick and had begun to
pour the oil down the dipstick shaft.
(If you don’t think this is funny yet – I’m guessing you are also blonde!)
The guy smiles, and says, “The oil actually goes in here,” and opens the oil filler port. “This should go a
lot faster! "
Lisa and Isabella almost pee themselves with laughter.
Isabella says, “I tried to read the container and see if there were instructions for blondes!”
2011 - Lisa calls me at work and asks if I have checked the oil lately; the oil warning light is on. Her Suburban burns oil and needs oil added every few weeks.
I tell her that I haven’t and she should check it.
She says, “But I haven’t taken a shower, and I’m in my jammies.”
“Lisa, you can’t drive if the warning light is on. You have to add oil.”
Lisa agrees.
I ask her, “You know how to do it – right?”
She replies, “Yes, but remind me.”
I tell her that the dipstick has the yellow handle on it.
"How do I get the hood open?"
With a little coaching she and Isabella figure out how to pop the hood and then pull the lever to open
it up. They quickly discover the dipstick.
“Make sure you don’t overfill it. Ok, you have it from here?”
Lisa hesitantly confirms that she can figure it out from this point.
Lisa and Isabella together check the oil and determine that they need to add a quart. Isabella goes into the store and buys a quart of oil and brings a paper funnel with her.
They study the funnel and Lisa says, “The hole in this funnel is too big.”
Together they try to make it work, but the funnel hole is bigger than the hole that the oil goes into.
Lisa goes into the store and asks for another funnel.
“The hole was too big in the first funnel you gave us.”
The guy in the store is puzzled and asks if he can take a look.
Lisa gladly accepts his offer, even though she is embarrassed by her appearance.
They walk to the Suburban and look under the hood.
Lisa happily exclaims, “Oh she got it to work!”
Isabella had folded the end of the funnel and fit it into the opening of the dipstick and had begun to
pour the oil down the dipstick shaft.
(If you don’t think this is funny yet – I’m guessing you are also blonde!)
The guy smiles, and says, “The oil actually goes in here,” and opens the oil filler port. “This should go a
lot faster! "
Lisa and Isabella almost pee themselves with laughter.
Isabella says, “I tried to read the container and see if there were instructions for blondes!”
No Shortage of Eli Stories & Quotes
2011 (3 Years Old) -
We were in the car and I said something to Lisa.
- Eli asked, “Daddy, what did you say?”
- I replied, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
- Eli then asked again, “Daddy, what did you say?”
- I again replied, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
- Eli says, “I was saying, ‘what did you say?’ ”
- I then told Eli, “When I say ‘I’m not talking to you’, that
means I’m not going to tell you what I said.”
- Eli waits a second, then asks, “Daddy, what did you
say?”
Lisa was giving Eli a bath. She was using Burt’s Bees soap. He protested. He did not want to wash with that "bug soap".
Eli was looking in the mirror and asked Lisa if his ears were getting bigger. Lisa thought he was thinking that bigger ears meant he was growing bigger, so she said his ears were getting bigger. Eli exclaimed, “Nooo! I don’t want my ears to get bigger!”
Eli was staying at our friend LeeAnne’s house and she was knitting a cap. Eli looked at her work and asked, “Are you making a bra like my Mommy’s?”
After being outside, Eli came in and his allergies were acting up. His eyes were watering and itching. He was complaining and whining a bit. One of the girls asked him what we did last time to make his eyes better. In a pathetic voice Eli replied, “Gave me pop, cookies and water.”
2011 (3 Years Old) -
We were in the car and I said something to Lisa.
- Eli asked, “Daddy, what did you say?”
- I replied, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
- Eli then asked again, “Daddy, what did you say?”
- I again replied, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
- Eli says, “I was saying, ‘what did you say?’ ”
- I then told Eli, “When I say ‘I’m not talking to you’, that
means I’m not going to tell you what I said.”
- Eli waits a second, then asks, “Daddy, what did you
say?”
Lisa was giving Eli a bath. She was using Burt’s Bees soap. He protested. He did not want to wash with that "bug soap".
Eli was looking in the mirror and asked Lisa if his ears were getting bigger. Lisa thought he was thinking that bigger ears meant he was growing bigger, so she said his ears were getting bigger. Eli exclaimed, “Nooo! I don’t want my ears to get bigger!”
Eli was staying at our friend LeeAnne’s house and she was knitting a cap. Eli looked at her work and asked, “Are you making a bra like my Mommy’s?”
After being outside, Eli came in and his allergies were acting up. His eyes were watering and itching. He was complaining and whining a bit. One of the girls asked him what we did last time to make his eyes better. In a pathetic voice Eli replied, “Gave me pop, cookies and water.”
Eli Stuck
2011 - We heard Eli crying and whining. We ignored it for little while, but the whining became more urgent and started to include a cry for help. Bella went to investigate. There was Eli, who had somehow closed the child safety gate (which is in place to keep the dog out) with his head and neck in between the bars. You might think we would run to Eli’s rescue. We probably should have run to his rescue. We did run, but for the cameras. We had three different photographers taking pictures of Eli’s predicament. He just stayed there (although he didn’t have much choice) and looked at us like – would someone please save me! |
Luke (8 yrs) & Eli (3yrs)
2011 - Luke is at that age where he tries to act cool like a big kid, but he stills likes to cuddle his mom and dad. Right after football practice last week I had him sit on my lap and was cuddling him. I asked him about practice and he started to tell me a few things. Then he said “There was goose poop all over the field.” I think I said something about that being gross. Then he asked, “Do I smell like diarrhea?” I quickly pushed Luke off of me and sent him to the showers!!
2011- We are at the table eating and Luke looks down next to Eli and sees a gross mess of something on the floor. He shouts, “Eww, there’s snot on the floor.” Eli says, “No. I went choo (and mimics a sneeze) and all my food came out.”
2011- Luke and I are lying on the bed. I touch the side of his head and he jerks back and says, “Ow, that’s where my bruise is.” I ask him, “How did you get a bruise on your head?” Luke looks at me like I’m crazy and replies, “Who doesn’t have a bruise on their head?!”
2011 - We were eating in Red Robin. We left and got in the car. Eli asks where his drink is, and we have to tell him that we left his drink in the restaurant. He gets upset and expresses his displeasure. As we begin to drive off, one of the kids says, “Thank you for dinner!” The rest of the kids in unison also express their thanks. A short moment of silence, and then Eli says, “Not thank you for bringing my cup.”
2011 - We had a nice lunch at Culver’s restaurant. When we were done we made our mass exodus (Lisa, me, 6 of the children, and one friend) out of the restaurant and got in the Suburban. I started the vehicle, put it into reverse and started to pull out. As I did, Luke came running out of Culver’s. I almost left him. The funny thing, the kids knew, and thought it was funny and were just going to let me leave. We are a compassionate bunch!
2011 - Eli was assigned the chore of picking up his toys in my office. After he was finished, I noticed some toys under the sofa. I thought he just missed them, so I drew his attention to those toys. Eli then said, “Oh, you saw’d dat. I was hiding dat from you.” Three years old and he is looking for ways to short-cut work. A day later I was sitting in my office and Eli came in and pulled several toy cars out from under the credenza and asked, “Did you see dese?”
2011 - Luke is at that age where he tries to act cool like a big kid, but he stills likes to cuddle his mom and dad. Right after football practice last week I had him sit on my lap and was cuddling him. I asked him about practice and he started to tell me a few things. Then he said “There was goose poop all over the field.” I think I said something about that being gross. Then he asked, “Do I smell like diarrhea?” I quickly pushed Luke off of me and sent him to the showers!!
2011- We are at the table eating and Luke looks down next to Eli and sees a gross mess of something on the floor. He shouts, “Eww, there’s snot on the floor.” Eli says, “No. I went choo (and mimics a sneeze) and all my food came out.”
2011- Luke and I are lying on the bed. I touch the side of his head and he jerks back and says, “Ow, that’s where my bruise is.” I ask him, “How did you get a bruise on your head?” Luke looks at me like I’m crazy and replies, “Who doesn’t have a bruise on their head?!”
2011 - We were eating in Red Robin. We left and got in the car. Eli asks where his drink is, and we have to tell him that we left his drink in the restaurant. He gets upset and expresses his displeasure. As we begin to drive off, one of the kids says, “Thank you for dinner!” The rest of the kids in unison also express their thanks. A short moment of silence, and then Eli says, “Not thank you for bringing my cup.”
2011 - We had a nice lunch at Culver’s restaurant. When we were done we made our mass exodus (Lisa, me, 6 of the children, and one friend) out of the restaurant and got in the Suburban. I started the vehicle, put it into reverse and started to pull out. As I did, Luke came running out of Culver’s. I almost left him. The funny thing, the kids knew, and thought it was funny and were just going to let me leave. We are a compassionate bunch!
2011 - Eli was assigned the chore of picking up his toys in my office. After he was finished, I noticed some toys under the sofa. I thought he just missed them, so I drew his attention to those toys. Eli then said, “Oh, you saw’d dat. I was hiding dat from you.” Three years old and he is looking for ways to short-cut work. A day later I was sitting in my office and Eli came in and pulled several toy cars out from under the credenza and asked, “Did you see dese?”
Sweet Lisa
2011 - Lisa and I were in the bathroom. I stepped on the scale and checked my weight (not something I bother to do very often). Lisa asked what I weighed. I told her, and she says she wants me to lose 30 pounds (what a sweet wife!). I reply back defensively, “I want YOU to lose 30 pounds.” Lisa says we both need to. I had my shirt off, and flexed like a body-builder. “People would die for this body.” Lisa without hesitation responds, “People with a body like that are dying.”
2011 - We were celebrating Gabriella’s 11th birthday. At Gabi’s request we got her a DQ ice cream cake. Lisa bought these cute star shaped candles to place on the cake. When she got ready to put the candles on the cake, Lisa realized that the candles spelled … H-A-P-P-Y R-E-T-I-R-E-M-E-N-T!
2011 - Lisa and I were in the bathroom. I stepped on the scale and checked my weight (not something I bother to do very often). Lisa asked what I weighed. I told her, and she says she wants me to lose 30 pounds (what a sweet wife!). I reply back defensively, “I want YOU to lose 30 pounds.” Lisa says we both need to. I had my shirt off, and flexed like a body-builder. “People would die for this body.” Lisa without hesitation responds, “People with a body like that are dying.”
2011 - We were celebrating Gabriella’s 11th birthday. At Gabi’s request we got her a DQ ice cream cake. Lisa bought these cute star shaped candles to place on the cake. When she got ready to put the candles on the cake, Lisa realized that the candles spelled … H-A-P-P-Y R-E-T-I-R-E-M-E-N-T!
Kid Quotes
Luke 8 years old – “We can’t have cake. Mom said we can’t brag for food.”
Luke 8 years old - On a trip through Iowa it was quite windy and gusts of wind were blowing our Suburban all over the road. I commented about the strong wind a few times. As we came upon a large wind farm with maybe 100 wind turbines, Luke exclaimed, “Holy Smokes! No wonder it’s so windy!”
Luke 8 years old - We had just arrived for a four day / three night stay at a hotel. I had Luke unpack his clothes and put them in the dresser. He thought he was done when I asked him, “What about your underwear?” Luke replied, “I don’t have any underwear … but that’s ok, I have a pair on.”
Luke 8 years old - It was Easter and Luke was growing impatient. He was excited and wanted me to hide the eggs so the egg hunt could begin. “Dad, when are you going to go outside and lay the eggs?!”
Luke 8 years old - We were getting ready to leave for church. Most of the family was in the Suburban, while I waited inside to hurry along the last child so we could go. Luke then asks all who were in the car (Lisa was present), “Who do you guys like more, Mommy or Daddy?” Lisa interjects, “Luke, you like Mommy and Daddy the same!” Luke replies, “No, I like you more because you say ‘yes’ more than Daddy does.”
Eli 3 years old - Eli told Lisa that his throat hurt. She asked why, and he told her it was because he swallowed a rock. She asked him how big the rock was and he held his hands as far apart as they could go and said, “This big!”
Eli 3 years old - Lisa and I were lying in bed with Eli. We had just finished praying with him. Eli said, “I want to pray for you guys.” He shut his eyes and started, “Once upon a time...”
Eli 3 years old - Eli knocks on the door. We ask, "Who is it?", He replies, "Eli." We ask, "Eli who?"
He says, "Eli - lijah."
Gabriella 10 yrs old - Gabi completed a paper for school. Underneath the description, What I Do Well, she wrote, “Spelling.” Underneath the words, My Favorite Food, she wrote, “Gravy and Biscets.”
Eli 3 years old - While working in the kitchen Lisa's pants slipped down in the back revealing her crack. Eli noticed and said, "Mommy, your butt's upside down!"
Luke 7 years old - Lisa was checking Luke’s teeth after he said he did a good job brushing. Lisa scraped off a little “scum” from his front tooth. She asked, “If you did a good job, why am I able to get this off your tooth?” Luke replied, “I don’t know. It’s hard to get everything off these ones. They are BIG!”
Luke 8 years old - On a trip through Iowa it was quite windy and gusts of wind were blowing our Suburban all over the road. I commented about the strong wind a few times. As we came upon a large wind farm with maybe 100 wind turbines, Luke exclaimed, “Holy Smokes! No wonder it’s so windy!”
Luke 8 years old - We had just arrived for a four day / three night stay at a hotel. I had Luke unpack his clothes and put them in the dresser. He thought he was done when I asked him, “What about your underwear?” Luke replied, “I don’t have any underwear … but that’s ok, I have a pair on.”
Luke 8 years old - It was Easter and Luke was growing impatient. He was excited and wanted me to hide the eggs so the egg hunt could begin. “Dad, when are you going to go outside and lay the eggs?!”
Luke 8 years old - We were getting ready to leave for church. Most of the family was in the Suburban, while I waited inside to hurry along the last child so we could go. Luke then asks all who were in the car (Lisa was present), “Who do you guys like more, Mommy or Daddy?” Lisa interjects, “Luke, you like Mommy and Daddy the same!” Luke replies, “No, I like you more because you say ‘yes’ more than Daddy does.”
Eli 3 years old - Eli told Lisa that his throat hurt. She asked why, and he told her it was because he swallowed a rock. She asked him how big the rock was and he held his hands as far apart as they could go and said, “This big!”
Eli 3 years old - Lisa and I were lying in bed with Eli. We had just finished praying with him. Eli said, “I want to pray for you guys.” He shut his eyes and started, “Once upon a time...”
Eli 3 years old - Eli knocks on the door. We ask, "Who is it?", He replies, "Eli." We ask, "Eli who?"
He says, "Eli - lijah."
Gabriella 10 yrs old - Gabi completed a paper for school. Underneath the description, What I Do Well, she wrote, “Spelling.” Underneath the words, My Favorite Food, she wrote, “Gravy and Biscets.”
Eli 3 years old - While working in the kitchen Lisa's pants slipped down in the back revealing her crack. Eli noticed and said, "Mommy, your butt's upside down!"
Luke 7 years old - Lisa was checking Luke’s teeth after he said he did a good job brushing. Lisa scraped off a little “scum” from his front tooth. She asked, “If you did a good job, why am I able to get this off your tooth?” Luke replied, “I don’t know. It’s hard to get everything off these ones. They are BIG!”
Eli Stories (3-Years Old)
2011 - Luke and Eli were eating pancakes one morning. Luke likes to put powdered sugar on top of pancakes and waffles. Jake was sitting on the couch in the living room and turns around to check on the boys. There sat Eli eating from a mountain of powdered sugar he had poured on his pancakes. He had dumped the entire bag. Later in the day Jake was telling us the story as we traveled in the car. Someone said, “That wouldn’t even taste good!” Eli excitedly interjected, “Yeth it does! I twyed it!”
2011 - I took Eli to the bathroom of a restaurant. I’m thinking it’s a quick in-and-out, but Eli informs me that he has to poop. As I’m standing in the stall waiting for Eli to do his job, someone walks into the restroom. Eli loudly asks, “Who is that?” I quietly put my finger up to my lips to tell him to be quiet. Eli again asks, “Who is that?” I try the "finger-to-the-mouth" again and quietly whisper, "I don’t know.” Eli then calls to the unknown visitor, “HELLO??!” No answer. Then again, “HELLO??!” Our visitor somewhat quietly answers back, “Hello.” That satisfied Eli. Then Eli has gas on the toilet. He asks, “Did you hear that?” I shake my head yes. Then there is a plop into the toilet. “Did you hear that?” Another plop. This time louder, “Did you hear that?!” Our visitor leaves the restroom - I’m sure with a story to tell.
2011 - Luke was in one of his annoying moods. I jokingly told him he better straighten up or I was going to thump him on the back of the head. Eli yells from across the room, “Do it Daddy!”
2011 - A thunderstorm blew in and the weather changed dramatically. The lightning was frequent and close. The thunder was loud. Eli was getting nervous. He came to me and asked, “Daddy, are you fweaked (freaked) out?”
2011 - Eli was very excited about our trip to Indiana, and was especially excited about staying in a hotel. As we were riding in the 9-seater Suburban, getting close to our destination, Eli asked if we were going to “hell.” “What did he say?” After some investigation we discovered that Eli’s word for hotel is “hell.” We had quite a laugh. Later that night we ate dinner in a restaurant. The waiter was boxing up the left-overs. Eli got up from the table and took his macaroni and cheese to the waiter. The waiter was enjoying Eli and talking to him as he boxed up his mac ‘n cheese. He handed it to Eli and said something about being able to take it home. Eli proclaims, “We’re going to hell!” The reaction of the waiter was priceless. All weekend Eli was asking, “Are we going to hell?” When he got tired of watching basketball games he would say, “I want to go to hell.” What a perfect age!
2011 - Eli is annoyingly famous for spraying household cleaners on things he shouldn't. Despite being told many times that spraying things is naughty, he recently sprayed dusting spray on the wood floor. Lisa was clearly frustrated and started to clean it up. Eli, only three years old, and with a limited vocabulary, came up to Lisa and whispered in her ear. "I have a fweket for you. Fore you get mad, take a heep bweath and halm down". ("I have a secret for you. Before you get mad, take a deep breath and calm down".)
2011 While I was getting ready in the bathroom I teasingly splashed water in Eli’s face. He ran out of the bathroom, then re-appeared and said, “You bwak’n my heawt, and you bwak’n my fweelings huwt!" (You breaking my heart, and you breaking my feelings hurt)
2011 - Eli and Bella currently share a bedroom. They were both in bed when I came into their room to say good-night. Somehow the conversation turned into a disagreement between Isabella and I. I ended the conversation by grounding Bella for her attitude. I shut the door and left. Eli then says to Bella, "I have an idea. Let's go down and tell Daddy he's mean."
2011 - I was standing in the kitchen. The pantry door opened from the inside and out came Eli. He smiled, his face was covered with the powder from the donuts he had been eating. His hands were covered with white powder, and his hand prints on the pantry door also revealed his offense. I had a good heart-to-heart talk with this three year old, telling him that he was not to do that again. Later in the day one of the kids found him hiding behind a chair eating another donut. I put Eli up on my lap and whispered into his ear, “It really makes me sad that you ate another donut when I told you not to eat any more.” Eli then innocently whispered back, “It really makes me sad that you didn’t give me another donut.”
2011 - We were leaving the basketball game and a female sheriff was being friendly with Eli. As we started to leave, Eli turned around and yelled, “Bye cop!”
2011 - I took Eli to the bathroom of a restaurant. I’m thinking it’s a quick in-and-out, but Eli informs me that he has to poop. As I’m standing in the stall waiting for Eli to do his job, someone walks into the restroom. Eli loudly asks, “Who is that?” I quietly put my finger up to my lips to tell him to be quiet. Eli again asks, “Who is that?” I try the "finger-to-the-mouth" again and quietly whisper, "I don’t know.” Eli then calls to the unknown visitor, “HELLO??!” No answer. Then again, “HELLO??!” Our visitor somewhat quietly answers back, “Hello.” That satisfied Eli. Then Eli has gas on the toilet. He asks, “Did you hear that?” I shake my head yes. Then there is a plop into the toilet. “Did you hear that?” Another plop. This time louder, “Did you hear that?!” Our visitor leaves the restroom - I’m sure with a story to tell.
2011 - Luke was in one of his annoying moods. I jokingly told him he better straighten up or I was going to thump him on the back of the head. Eli yells from across the room, “Do it Daddy!”
2011 - A thunderstorm blew in and the weather changed dramatically. The lightning was frequent and close. The thunder was loud. Eli was getting nervous. He came to me and asked, “Daddy, are you fweaked (freaked) out?”
2011 - Eli was very excited about our trip to Indiana, and was especially excited about staying in a hotel. As we were riding in the 9-seater Suburban, getting close to our destination, Eli asked if we were going to “hell.” “What did he say?” After some investigation we discovered that Eli’s word for hotel is “hell.” We had quite a laugh. Later that night we ate dinner in a restaurant. The waiter was boxing up the left-overs. Eli got up from the table and took his macaroni and cheese to the waiter. The waiter was enjoying Eli and talking to him as he boxed up his mac ‘n cheese. He handed it to Eli and said something about being able to take it home. Eli proclaims, “We’re going to hell!” The reaction of the waiter was priceless. All weekend Eli was asking, “Are we going to hell?” When he got tired of watching basketball games he would say, “I want to go to hell.” What a perfect age!
2011 - Eli is annoyingly famous for spraying household cleaners on things he shouldn't. Despite being told many times that spraying things is naughty, he recently sprayed dusting spray on the wood floor. Lisa was clearly frustrated and started to clean it up. Eli, only three years old, and with a limited vocabulary, came up to Lisa and whispered in her ear. "I have a fweket for you. Fore you get mad, take a heep bweath and halm down". ("I have a secret for you. Before you get mad, take a deep breath and calm down".)
2011 While I was getting ready in the bathroom I teasingly splashed water in Eli’s face. He ran out of the bathroom, then re-appeared and said, “You bwak’n my heawt, and you bwak’n my fweelings huwt!" (You breaking my heart, and you breaking my feelings hurt)
2011 - Eli and Bella currently share a bedroom. They were both in bed when I came into their room to say good-night. Somehow the conversation turned into a disagreement between Isabella and I. I ended the conversation by grounding Bella for her attitude. I shut the door and left. Eli then says to Bella, "I have an idea. Let's go down and tell Daddy he's mean."
2011 - I was standing in the kitchen. The pantry door opened from the inside and out came Eli. He smiled, his face was covered with the powder from the donuts he had been eating. His hands were covered with white powder, and his hand prints on the pantry door also revealed his offense. I had a good heart-to-heart talk with this three year old, telling him that he was not to do that again. Later in the day one of the kids found him hiding behind a chair eating another donut. I put Eli up on my lap and whispered into his ear, “It really makes me sad that you ate another donut when I told you not to eat any more.” Eli then innocently whispered back, “It really makes me sad that you didn’t give me another donut.”
2011 - We were leaving the basketball game and a female sheriff was being friendly with Eli. As we started to leave, Eli turned around and yelled, “Bye cop!”
Someone Better
2011 - We ran into a logistical problem one weekend. We had three kids each needing to be somewhere - all at the same time. Luke’s baseball game was closest to home, so we recruited Lydia to take him to his game. When I told Luke that his mom and I wouldn’t be at his game and Lydia would be taking him he says, “Ahhh, I wish I could have someone better!”
First Kiss
In the fall of 1979 Lisa was crowned the Homecoming Queen of Miami Trace High School. It was customary for the Senior Class President to present the winner with flowers and give the newly annouced Queen a kiss. Well - it just so happens that I (JR) was that Senior Class President. I presented Lisa with her flowers, and gave the Queen a kiss on her lips. Our first kiss!!! I remember how it felt to this day ... and I had to wait another 10+ years for kiss #2!
First Date
Lisa and I had a mutual friend who came to each of us separately and told us that the other was interested in going out. The only problem, neither of us told him that. With the false confidence that Lisa wanted to go out with me - I asked her. She accepted and the date was set. On the day of that date - it was snowing and the roads were getting bad. I called Lisa and she convinced me that I shouldn't drive the hour to her apartment, and we should set another date. I was very disappointed, but agreed. I later learned that Lisa was so disappointed that she immediately called another male friend and went over to his house!
Next we tried to set up another date and due to our busy schedules had trouble finding an available date that we both were free. Finally we set a date to attend Lisa's neice and nephew's church Christmas concert. Our first date was that concert with Lisa's family. How romantic - NOT! Even so - it was fun.
Next we tried to set up another date and due to our busy schedules had trouble finding an available date that we both were free. Finally we set a date to attend Lisa's neice and nephew's church Christmas concert. Our first date was that concert with Lisa's family. How romantic - NOT! Even so - it was fun.
More Kid Quotes
Eli 3 years old - Eli: “Mommy, will you fix my sock?”
Lisa: As she reaches down to straighten Eli’s sock, “Sure Eli, I’ll fix your sock.”
Eli: Sweetly replied, “Thank you Mommy. You’re not stupid.”
Isabella 14 yrs old - As she was visiting her new school (Rogers Middle School) for the first time, "I don't think I'm going to do as well at Rogers. Mom, like, I can't even name all 52 states."
Eli 2 yrs old - It was Gabi's birthday and Eli didn't like that he wasn't receiving any presents. He told Lisa that he wanted a toy car for a present. Lisa told him he could not have one until it was his birthday. He began to cry and fuss. Lisa said, "Don't be a cry-baby Eli." Eli then whined, "Cwy-baby wants a car."
Gabi 6 yrs old - "Oh my woud (word), this ice is frozen."
Gabi 6 yrs old - She asked Lisa how she got the flowers in the container up high. Lisa teasingly told her that she jumped. Gabi answered, "Mom! Mom's don't jump!"
Sophia 4 yrs old - Upon receiving a spanking from her daddy, Sophia turned around and matter of factly stated, “that didn’t hurt.”
Lydia age unknown - "I wish you married younger so you would last longer."
Jake 8 yrs old - While Jake was eating some ice cream with nuts, he asked, "Does this have omlets in it?" (almonds).
Isabella 4 yrs old - Sitting in a very rank port-a-john Bella says, “If I went poop, I would tink (stink) this whole house up.”
Jake 8 years old - "Is my thumb older than my fingers?"
Isabella 5 yrs old - After Dad just beat Jake at a game of foosball (table soccer), Jake told Isabella, “That was the baddest I ever played.” Isabella then asked, “How tied was it?”
Sophia 4 yrs old - Lisa was straightening in Sophia’s closet and found a couple of half eaten pieces of pizza. “Sophia, did you put this pizza in here?” Sophia replied, “Yes.” Lisa asked, “Why did you put it in here?” “I don’t know.” Then after a slight hesitation, “ It doesn’t taste good anymore.”
Lisa: As she reaches down to straighten Eli’s sock, “Sure Eli, I’ll fix your sock.”
Eli: Sweetly replied, “Thank you Mommy. You’re not stupid.”
Isabella 14 yrs old - As she was visiting her new school (Rogers Middle School) for the first time, "I don't think I'm going to do as well at Rogers. Mom, like, I can't even name all 52 states."
Eli 2 yrs old - It was Gabi's birthday and Eli didn't like that he wasn't receiving any presents. He told Lisa that he wanted a toy car for a present. Lisa told him he could not have one until it was his birthday. He began to cry and fuss. Lisa said, "Don't be a cry-baby Eli." Eli then whined, "Cwy-baby wants a car."
Gabi 6 yrs old - "Oh my woud (word), this ice is frozen."
Gabi 6 yrs old - She asked Lisa how she got the flowers in the container up high. Lisa teasingly told her that she jumped. Gabi answered, "Mom! Mom's don't jump!"
Sophia 4 yrs old - Upon receiving a spanking from her daddy, Sophia turned around and matter of factly stated, “that didn’t hurt.”
Lydia age unknown - "I wish you married younger so you would last longer."
Jake 8 yrs old - While Jake was eating some ice cream with nuts, he asked, "Does this have omlets in it?" (almonds).
Isabella 4 yrs old - Sitting in a very rank port-a-john Bella says, “If I went poop, I would tink (stink) this whole house up.”
Jake 8 years old - "Is my thumb older than my fingers?"
Isabella 5 yrs old - After Dad just beat Jake at a game of foosball (table soccer), Jake told Isabella, “That was the baddest I ever played.” Isabella then asked, “How tied was it?”
Sophia 4 yrs old - Lisa was straightening in Sophia’s closet and found a couple of half eaten pieces of pizza. “Sophia, did you put this pizza in here?” Sophia replied, “Yes.” Lisa asked, “Why did you put it in here?” “I don’t know.” Then after a slight hesitation, “ It doesn’t taste good anymore.”
Engaged
JR & Lisa were on their way to the wedding of John and Pam Cox in Corbin, KY. Just before arriving they pulled off to visit Cumberland Falls. JR took Lisa down a trail (where Lisa happened to jump and fall upon her bottom), then off the trail to a large rock that rested in the river just below the beautiful falls. The two of them climbed onto the rock. From there JR proposed to Lisa. She said yes - and the rest is blissful history!
Morning Chores
2001 - In the morning the children had assigned chores. Both Jake and Isabella liked to get up early and do their morning chores before they came out of their room or their Mom and Dad came in to check. Bella began to plan ahead . She would lay out her clothes in the evening so she could dress quickly. One night JR came in to tuck her in. She was on top of her top sheet. I asked her to get under it. She looked disappointed. I asked her if she meant to be on top of it. She said, “Yes, I wanted to be able to get ready quicker in the morning.”
I didn't think it would work!
2003 -Lisa pulled a pewter bowl out of the freezer. Jake decided to put his tongue on it. Well you know the rest of the story. I asked him why he did it. He told me he read about it in a book and, “didn’t think it would really work.”
2003 -We were in a crowded elevator at the Mayo Clinic. A guy with long hair was being very friendly to Luke. He then stepped off the elevator. Just as the doors shut Gabi loudly remarked, “He looks like a girl! He has long hair!” Everyone in the elevator thought it was funny ... except her embarassed mom and dad.
2003 -We were in a crowded elevator at the Mayo Clinic. A guy with long hair was being very friendly to Luke. He then stepped off the elevator. Just as the doors shut Gabi loudly remarked, “He looks like a girl! He has long hair!” Everyone in the elevator thought it was funny ... except her embarassed mom and dad.
More Kid Quotes
Isabella 3yrs old - During a prayer - "Pwease God, help Wydia (Lydia) not to cwy, and whine and fake."
Lydia 8yrs old - "If Ohio and Minnesota were in a war, which side would we fight for?"
Isabella 4yrs old - "Mom, I love you more than fire."
Isabella 4yrs old - "Mommy, you are prettier than really mean witches."
Sophia 4yrs old - "Sophia, you made such a mess!" Sophia matter of factly replies, "That's cause I'm a wittle girl."
Sophia 4yrs old - Lisa made fish one night for dinner. Toward the end of the meal Sophia stated, "I wouldn't vote for you to make this again."
Isabella 5 yrs old - “Sometimes when I pick my nose and don’t have a Kleenex, and don’t want to eat it – I put it back in my nose.”
Jake 3yrs old - Praying at dinner - "Lydia go to bed, and I not."
Lydia 9yrs old - asked JR - "Dad, could you call me Tara, Megan or Pixie?"
Isabella 5yrs old - "Daddy, you can do ANYTHING you want." (slight hesitation) "Except die or kill us ... which I know you would NEVER do!"
Gabriella 4 yrs old - Gabi gets up early in the morning and knocks on our door. I always ask, “Who is it?” Gabi answers, “Gabi.” I then ask, “Gabi who?” She answers back, “Gabri ella.”
Lydia 8yrs old - "If Ohio and Minnesota were in a war, which side would we fight for?"
Isabella 4yrs old - "Mom, I love you more than fire."
Isabella 4yrs old - "Mommy, you are prettier than really mean witches."
Sophia 4yrs old - "Sophia, you made such a mess!" Sophia matter of factly replies, "That's cause I'm a wittle girl."
Sophia 4yrs old - Lisa made fish one night for dinner. Toward the end of the meal Sophia stated, "I wouldn't vote for you to make this again."
Isabella 5 yrs old - “Sometimes when I pick my nose and don’t have a Kleenex, and don’t want to eat it – I put it back in my nose.”
Jake 3yrs old - Praying at dinner - "Lydia go to bed, and I not."
Lydia 9yrs old - asked JR - "Dad, could you call me Tara, Megan or Pixie?"
Isabella 5yrs old - "Daddy, you can do ANYTHING you want." (slight hesitation) "Except die or kill us ... which I know you would NEVER do!"
Gabriella 4 yrs old - Gabi gets up early in the morning and knocks on our door. I always ask, “Who is it?” Gabi answers, “Gabi.” I then ask, “Gabi who?” She answers back, “Gabri ella.”
Model Story
While dining in a restaurant in 1998 we were approached by the owner of a children's clothing company. She wanted Lydia and Isabella to model for her catalog she sent to retailers. Early one morning the photo shoot began. It was specially arranged for just our two girls, and at a time the the sun would be in just the right spot. Two photgraphers were in attendance and the owner of the company was directing the shoot. They took a few pictures, then Lydia (5yrs old) asked for a break. Everyone had a chuckle - "the star needs a break." Lydia then went up to Lisa and told her she wasn't feeling well. Knowing that Lydia often uses that excuse to get attention, she picked Lydia up and told her to get back to the photographers. Lydia then responded by throwing-up on Lisa's shoulder and down her back (and on her outfit to be photographed). That was Lydia's last modeling job.
Home Birth
Both Sophia and Gabriella were born at home (on purpose). With the assistance of a mid-wife and a doula, we had the wonderful experience of a home birth. That was a deeply meaningful moment in my life. To this day when I look at the photos of both births I get emotional. It was awesome!
Famous at Birth
For the birth of Isabella, Lisa made the decision to use a doula (child birth assistant). It happened that a reporter from a small local paper was doing a story on doulas. A photographer came and took some photos of Lisa and wrote and article. Then the primary Minneapolis newspaper (Star Tribune) decided to write an article on doulas. They were interviewing our doula and asked if they could send a photographer to take some photos early during the birth process. We agreed, as did the hospital. Knowing that this birth would be featured in the paper, we were treated like celebrities when we arrived at the hospital. All staff members were going out of their way to ensure our experience was positive. After taking several photos, the photographer asked if she could stay for the entire birth. She would take photos throughout and give the pictures to us. She assured us that none of the photos would go into the paper.
Well a week or so after the birth the photographer stopped by our home and gave us the photos. She also showed us the pictures that would be in the paper. On the next Saturday evening our doula called and informed us that the Saturday edition of the Sunday paper was on the newsstand and "our" article was on the front page of the Variety section. I quickly ran to the local store and picked up the paper. I opened to the Variety section and my mouth dropped as there was Lisa, legs apart with Isabella being held by the doctor as he had JUST delivered her. Isabella was literally seconds old - becoming the unconfirmed youngest person to ever be in the Star Tribune. Despite being lied to by the paper, once we got over the initial shock, it was pretty cool to have that paper as a momento.
Making the story just a little more interesting, Lisa went into a small neighborhood cafe with a friend several months later. Lisa had never been in this cafe. Upon the walls were photos taken by a local photographer. The photos were of Lisa - the one's taken by the first reporter who wrote the article in the small newspaper. It was somewhat surreal to see your own image on the walls of a cafe being show as art.
Well a week or so after the birth the photographer stopped by our home and gave us the photos. She also showed us the pictures that would be in the paper. On the next Saturday evening our doula called and informed us that the Saturday edition of the Sunday paper was on the newsstand and "our" article was on the front page of the Variety section. I quickly ran to the local store and picked up the paper. I opened to the Variety section and my mouth dropped as there was Lisa, legs apart with Isabella being held by the doctor as he had JUST delivered her. Isabella was literally seconds old - becoming the unconfirmed youngest person to ever be in the Star Tribune. Despite being lied to by the paper, once we got over the initial shock, it was pretty cool to have that paper as a momento.
Making the story just a little more interesting, Lisa went into a small neighborhood cafe with a friend several months later. Lisa had never been in this cafe. Upon the walls were photos taken by a local photographer. The photos were of Lisa - the one's taken by the first reporter who wrote the article in the small newspaper. It was somewhat surreal to see your own image on the walls of a cafe being show as art.
Sophia Stories (She was a Character!)
2001 - Sophia had been having trouble with the bad habit of playing with her food after a meal. She had been getting into big trouble as a result. She was left alone to eat birthday cake on Bella’s birthday. She was a mess. She had cake everywhere. It was up around her eyes, all down her arms, on her dress, over her legs and on the floor. I walked in and calmly took her plate away. Fearing punishment, she lifted up her arms and looked at them and all around her high chair in mock dismay and then said, “how’d I get such a mess??!”
2001 - I asked Sophia if she had a poopy diaper. She said, “Let me see,” then reached her hand down the back of her diaper and pulled up a mess. The answer was - YES!
2001 - Sophia said, “ I can’t wait for Gabi to walk.” Lisa asked, “Why do you want her to walk?” Sophia replied, “Then I can be the baby and you can hold me.” It broke Lisa’s heart.
2002 - Sophia was caught in the act of picking her nose. She showed me her booger. I told her to go get a Kleenex. She left the room, but returned too quickly to have actually gotten a Kleenex. I firmly asked, “Where is that booger?” Sophia raised her hands in the air and shrugged her shoulders. I told her, “Go get that booger!” Sophia walked over to the sofa and reached underneath. She pulled out the booger and triumphantly exclaimed, “Here it is!”
2001 - I asked Sophia if she had a poopy diaper. She said, “Let me see,” then reached her hand down the back of her diaper and pulled up a mess. The answer was - YES!
2001 - Sophia said, “ I can’t wait for Gabi to walk.” Lisa asked, “Why do you want her to walk?” Sophia replied, “Then I can be the baby and you can hold me.” It broke Lisa’s heart.
2002 - Sophia was caught in the act of picking her nose. She showed me her booger. I told her to go get a Kleenex. She left the room, but returned too quickly to have actually gotten a Kleenex. I firmly asked, “Where is that booger?” Sophia raised her hands in the air and shrugged her shoulders. I told her, “Go get that booger!” Sophia walked over to the sofa and reached underneath. She pulled out the booger and triumphantly exclaimed, “Here it is!”
More Kid Quotes
Sophia 3yrs old - She was under the deck by where the sump pump drains water. It had been a particulary rainy time and the sump pump had been in action continuously. JR called her out and she came up wiping her mouth. JR asked her what she was doing. "Getting a dwink of water."
Gabriella 2 yrs old - Gabi had her own ice cream at a restaurant and was being very protective of it. Lisa asked how she was doing. Gabi replied in a stern voice, "Weave me awone!" Lisa said, "Gabi, you do NOT tell me to leave you alone!" Gabi hesitatingly questioned, "Pwease weave me awone??"
Lydia 10 yrs old - Lydia came out of the bathroom after taking a bath. Wanting Lisa to notice something she said, "Mom look at me." She then stood anxiously waiting for Lisa to notice. Lisa couldn't figure it out and gave up. Lydia then excitedly gave away the secret. "I washed my face!! I washed it yesterday too!"
Sophia 4yrs old - Lisa asked Sophia if she scribbled on Lydia's paper. Sophia said, "Actually, I accidentally forgot that I didn't do it."
Sophia 3yrs old - JR was watching a woodworking show on TV. They were discussing a wood joint which is called a rabbet. As they were discussing cutting a rabbet, Sophia exclaimed to Bella who was not watching, “they are making a bunny rabbit.”
Gabi - 3yrs old - At one baseball game the coach’s wife brought their greyhound. Gabi looked at the dog and said, “That dog has a peanut and a tail.”
Isabella 5 years old - put gel in her hair and then asked if her hair felt jealous.
Gabriella 2 yrs old - Gabi had her own ice cream at a restaurant and was being very protective of it. Lisa asked how she was doing. Gabi replied in a stern voice, "Weave me awone!" Lisa said, "Gabi, you do NOT tell me to leave you alone!" Gabi hesitatingly questioned, "Pwease weave me awone??"
Lydia 10 yrs old - Lydia came out of the bathroom after taking a bath. Wanting Lisa to notice something she said, "Mom look at me." She then stood anxiously waiting for Lisa to notice. Lisa couldn't figure it out and gave up. Lydia then excitedly gave away the secret. "I washed my face!! I washed it yesterday too!"
Sophia 4yrs old - Lisa asked Sophia if she scribbled on Lydia's paper. Sophia said, "Actually, I accidentally forgot that I didn't do it."
Sophia 3yrs old - JR was watching a woodworking show on TV. They were discussing a wood joint which is called a rabbet. As they were discussing cutting a rabbet, Sophia exclaimed to Bella who was not watching, “they are making a bunny rabbit.”
Gabi - 3yrs old - At one baseball game the coach’s wife brought their greyhound. Gabi looked at the dog and said, “That dog has a peanut and a tail.”
Isabella 5 years old - put gel in her hair and then asked if her hair felt jealous.
Luke Stories
2004 - Luke is into everything. And he won’t stop. He is also rather strong-willed. He was biting the back of the sofa a few days ago. I told him no, and he looked at me and did it again. I gave him a little spank. He looked at me and did it again. I spanked a little harder. He whimpered, looked at me and did it again. A little harder, and a stern NO. He cried a little, then bit it again. Harder from me. Crying and then he bit it again. Several spankings. Hard crying - then he looked at me and slowly he bit it again. I eventually won – but I think he got the moral victory.
2005 - Luke has kept us very busy. He smeared Bella’s lipstick into the family room carpet creating a bright red spot about 18 inches in diameter. He smeared it thick and deep. Lisa worked a miracle getting it out (mostly). This morning Jake found Luke hiding in the laundry room behind an over-turned basket. He was sneaking chocolate chunks he had taken out of a brownie mix. He raids the pantry often whenever he sees no one is watching.
2005 - Luke loves to wrestle and when he does he yells “I’m the man!”
2007 - Luke brings amazing activity to our home. He is so fun and his personality is enjoyable. But he also still gets into things or tears things up like no other child we have had. Last week he picked the buds off the lily of the valley arrangement (plastic) Lisa had in our bedroom. Our walls look like a war zone from all the marks and dings he has delivered to them.
2007 - Luke was taking a bath. The tub was full of toys. For some reason he decided to take a small Barbie cup … and put it up his bottom. Then he panicked. I was called upstairs by Sophia and told that Luke had put a toy up his bottom. Now I’ve been faced with many kid emergencies, but this one was new to me. He wouldn’t tell me what toy was up there, but would confirm with a head shake that there was one up there. I will spare you the details, but I had to perform a delicate retrieval process – which makes me queasy just telling you about it. I’m glad to inform you the procedure went well and the patient has fully recovered.
2008 - Two bigger boys shot mud out of an air gun at Luke. Lisa looked out of the house just in time to see Luke chasing them with a stick. You can bet, if he had caught them, he would have used it on them. He just doesn’t back down from anyone.
2008 - Luke informed me that he never “gives”. I started tickling him and told him to say he “gives up.” He would not! He ended up getting mad at me. When I stopped, he gave me a mean look and said, “Wrestlers never give up!"
2005 - Luke has kept us very busy. He smeared Bella’s lipstick into the family room carpet creating a bright red spot about 18 inches in diameter. He smeared it thick and deep. Lisa worked a miracle getting it out (mostly). This morning Jake found Luke hiding in the laundry room behind an over-turned basket. He was sneaking chocolate chunks he had taken out of a brownie mix. He raids the pantry often whenever he sees no one is watching.
2005 - Luke loves to wrestle and when he does he yells “I’m the man!”
2007 - Luke brings amazing activity to our home. He is so fun and his personality is enjoyable. But he also still gets into things or tears things up like no other child we have had. Last week he picked the buds off the lily of the valley arrangement (plastic) Lisa had in our bedroom. Our walls look like a war zone from all the marks and dings he has delivered to them.
2007 - Luke was taking a bath. The tub was full of toys. For some reason he decided to take a small Barbie cup … and put it up his bottom. Then he panicked. I was called upstairs by Sophia and told that Luke had put a toy up his bottom. Now I’ve been faced with many kid emergencies, but this one was new to me. He wouldn’t tell me what toy was up there, but would confirm with a head shake that there was one up there. I will spare you the details, but I had to perform a delicate retrieval process – which makes me queasy just telling you about it. I’m glad to inform you the procedure went well and the patient has fully recovered.
2008 - Two bigger boys shot mud out of an air gun at Luke. Lisa looked out of the house just in time to see Luke chasing them with a stick. You can bet, if he had caught them, he would have used it on them. He just doesn’t back down from anyone.
2008 - Luke informed me that he never “gives”. I started tickling him and told him to say he “gives up.” He would not! He ended up getting mad at me. When I stopped, he gave me a mean look and said, “Wrestlers never give up!"
I thought it was almond butter
2000 - While in the Wisconsin Dells Jake went into a public restroom while we waited. He spent a long time. He was normally the fastest pee-er in the land, so we knew he was pooping (to be blunt - and this story requires bluntness). When he finally came out he was asked if he washed his hands. He lifted his hands, palms out, and stated, "I didn't touch anything. I don't need to." On his hands, clearly visable, was a big mess of poop. "Jake, you have poop on your hands!" He took a look and said, "Oh - I thought it was almond butter."
Date unknown - Sophia began to complain that her nose was hurting. Upon inspection it appeared that there was something up her nose. After some cross-examination we were able to uncover the fact that she had put a bean up her nose a few days earlier. "Sophia, Why didn't you tell us?!" "I don't know." Well ... you know what happens to beans when they become wet. Yes - they swell up! This extraction had to be performed by a real doctor. I still wonder if we left it a few more days, would it have sprouted?
Date unknown - Sophia began to complain that her nose was hurting. Upon inspection it appeared that there was something up her nose. After some cross-examination we were able to uncover the fact that she had put a bean up her nose a few days earlier. "Sophia, Why didn't you tell us?!" "I don't know." Well ... you know what happens to beans when they become wet. Yes - they swell up! This extraction had to be performed by a real doctor. I still wonder if we left it a few more days, would it have sprouted?
Morning problems
One morning Lisa, Eli and Gabriella were sitting downstairs before anyone else got up. Luke came down the stairs and he had a rather noticeable erection.
Gabi looked down and said, “What’s that?!!”
Lisa tried to brush off her question, but Gabi persisted. “Is that his nut?!!”
Lisa said, “No, that is not his nut.”
Gabriella then asked, “Is that his p – ? (slight hesitation) I don’t want to say it.”
“Yes, that is his penis. Sometimes that happens to a boy in the morning.”
Luke climbed into Lisa’s lap and laid back. He smiled slyly and then proudly added, “Sometimes it gets tall!”
Gabriella thought for a second, then asked, “Is it gonna be like that when we go to church??”
Gabi looked down and said, “What’s that?!!”
Lisa tried to brush off her question, but Gabi persisted. “Is that his nut?!!”
Lisa said, “No, that is not his nut.”
Gabriella then asked, “Is that his p – ? (slight hesitation) I don’t want to say it.”
“Yes, that is his penis. Sometimes that happens to a boy in the morning.”
Luke climbed into Lisa’s lap and laid back. He smiled slyly and then proudly added, “Sometimes it gets tall!”
Gabriella thought for a second, then asked, “Is it gonna be like that when we go to church??”
Broken Heart
Gabi was born at home. Two days later we took her to her pediatrician for a check-up. We had noticed that Gabi breathing was rapid, but were assured that it was on the high side of normal. We went home feeling confident that Gabi was healthy. Two months later Lisa took Gabi to the pediatrician for her 2-month well-baby check-up. Upon listening to her heart, the pediatrician told Lisa that she could hear a murmur. Lisa called me and I immediately left work and drove the hour to the doctor’s office. By the time I arrived, they had x-ray ed Gabi’s heart and it was significantly enlarged. We were referred to the Children’s Heart Clinic in Minneapolis.
This type of thing happens to other people. It just didn’t seem possible that our little baby was very sick. She seemed fine. The Cardiologist listened to her heart, and said, “I think she has a coarctation of the aorta and a ventricular septal defect. We’ll perform an echocardiogram and find out for sure.” Well, he was right.
At two months old Gabriella had surgery to repair the narrowing of her aorta. She had trouble recovering from that surgery, as the VSD, which is an opening or hole in the wall that separates the left and right ventricle. They sent us home for a couple days, but then decided to perform the second surgery two days later. Once that surgery was performed on our 3-month old, she began to recover quickly. Her recovery was nothing short of miraculous. God has taken great care of our little baby and has blessed us beyond measure.
The following was from my final entry on the Caring Bridge website:
Saturday, January 27, 2001 10:43 AM, CDT
“We had many wonderful meals delivered and prepared for us during the time we were in the hospital. Out of 26 days in the hospital, we had a meal nearly every day. Some days we had multiple meals personally delivered. We had many people visit us, and some who stayed the entire night so we could go back to our hotel room to get some rest. Several family members canceled their plans and purchased last minute flights to Minnesota. We had people shoveling our driveway (during the second snowiest December in Minnesota history). We had people bless us with money. We had people bringing us reading materials. We had two quilts and a blanket lovingly made for Gabi. We had flowers, stuffed animals, CD’s and several other gifts sent. We had children write notes and create artwork. We had people watching our home and picking up our mail. We had people picking up our visiting family and driving them where they needed to be. Our family took in our children and cared for them for 50 days. We had many people send us cards, and others wrote very thoughtful and touching notes on the website. We had many, many people praying from all over the country – even the world. Many of those people we did not even know. They are brothers and sisters in Christ and their prayers made a difference. The list goes on. I know there are things people did that I haven’t listed (forgive me). Each and every selfless act has meant so much to us. It has meant more than words could ever say. Thank you.”
“Most importantly we want to thank God. We give Him all the glory for the great work He has done. Our children are His children. He has temporarily placed them in our hands to raise, train and nurture. One day he will return for each of us. We look forward to that day. His love and grace are a gift that is available to you, and to us. We can testify that when we reached out for that love and grace, it was there. Thank you Lord.”
This type of thing happens to other people. It just didn’t seem possible that our little baby was very sick. She seemed fine. The Cardiologist listened to her heart, and said, “I think she has a coarctation of the aorta and a ventricular septal defect. We’ll perform an echocardiogram and find out for sure.” Well, he was right.
At two months old Gabriella had surgery to repair the narrowing of her aorta. She had trouble recovering from that surgery, as the VSD, which is an opening or hole in the wall that separates the left and right ventricle. They sent us home for a couple days, but then decided to perform the second surgery two days later. Once that surgery was performed on our 3-month old, she began to recover quickly. Her recovery was nothing short of miraculous. God has taken great care of our little baby and has blessed us beyond measure.
The following was from my final entry on the Caring Bridge website:
Saturday, January 27, 2001 10:43 AM, CDT
“We had many wonderful meals delivered and prepared for us during the time we were in the hospital. Out of 26 days in the hospital, we had a meal nearly every day. Some days we had multiple meals personally delivered. We had many people visit us, and some who stayed the entire night so we could go back to our hotel room to get some rest. Several family members canceled their plans and purchased last minute flights to Minnesota. We had people shoveling our driveway (during the second snowiest December in Minnesota history). We had people bless us with money. We had people bringing us reading materials. We had two quilts and a blanket lovingly made for Gabi. We had flowers, stuffed animals, CD’s and several other gifts sent. We had children write notes and create artwork. We had people watching our home and picking up our mail. We had people picking up our visiting family and driving them where they needed to be. Our family took in our children and cared for them for 50 days. We had many people send us cards, and others wrote very thoughtful and touching notes on the website. We had many, many people praying from all over the country – even the world. Many of those people we did not even know. They are brothers and sisters in Christ and their prayers made a difference. The list goes on. I know there are things people did that I haven’t listed (forgive me). Each and every selfless act has meant so much to us. It has meant more than words could ever say. Thank you.”
“Most importantly we want to thank God. We give Him all the glory for the great work He has done. Our children are His children. He has temporarily placed them in our hands to raise, train and nurture. One day he will return for each of us. We look forward to that day. His love and grace are a gift that is available to you, and to us. We can testify that when we reached out for that love and grace, it was there. Thank you Lord.”
Playing with the caterpillar
2000 - Jake asked me if caterpillars played. I told him I didn’t think they did. He told me he had a green and black caterpillar and the black one wouldn’t play. When he stuck it with a stick it just curled up. But the green one played with him. It crawled on the stick when he stuck it. It crawled on his fingers and on a leaf. It even crawled through a hole on the leaf. He was sure it was playing with him.
Great Lisa Story
Lisa and I stopped at the Macaroni Grill to have dinner. I pulled up to the front door and Lisa ran in. She came out with a pager and the news that the wait was going to be an hour. Lisa jumped into the car and we drove into the parking lot. After a brief discussion we determined that waiting an hour would prevent us from going to a movie, so we decided to try a different restaurant. I drove back up to the front of the Macaroni Grill, pulling up behind another car. Lisa jumped out and took the pager back inside.
As Lisa came out, a girl in an extremely tight, short white dress was walking up to the entrance of the restaurant. Lisa was intently checking her out. Instead of walking toward our car, she walked around the front of the car in front of us. She kept her eyes on the girl in the white dress, trying to hear her conversation. She then walked up to the strange car and started toward the passenger side door. I thought, “this is going to be really funny when she realizes that she is approaching the wrong car.” Well, Lisa didn’t notice. She proceeded to open the door of the stranger’s car. By now I was laughing pretty hard. I was sure she would quickly notice her mistake … but she didn’t. Lisa climbed into the car and almost shut the door. I’m sitting right behind crying with laughter. Lisa turns to tell me about the girl in the white dress, and notices that the man is NOT her husband. The guy calmly smiles at her, and says, “This is going to be a great story, isn’t it?!” Lisa replies, “Oh no, you can’t imagine how often I do things like this. My husband is sitting right behind us, getting a kick out of this.” She got out of the car red and embarrassed, barely able to contain her laugher. She came back and got into our car, where we laughed so hard we were both crying and I almost got sick.
As Lisa came out, a girl in an extremely tight, short white dress was walking up to the entrance of the restaurant. Lisa was intently checking her out. Instead of walking toward our car, she walked around the front of the car in front of us. She kept her eyes on the girl in the white dress, trying to hear her conversation. She then walked up to the strange car and started toward the passenger side door. I thought, “this is going to be really funny when she realizes that she is approaching the wrong car.” Well, Lisa didn’t notice. She proceeded to open the door of the stranger’s car. By now I was laughing pretty hard. I was sure she would quickly notice her mistake … but she didn’t. Lisa climbed into the car and almost shut the door. I’m sitting right behind crying with laughter. Lisa turns to tell me about the girl in the white dress, and notices that the man is NOT her husband. The guy calmly smiles at her, and says, “This is going to be a great story, isn’t it?!” Lisa replies, “Oh no, you can’t imagine how often I do things like this. My husband is sitting right behind us, getting a kick out of this.” She got out of the car red and embarrassed, barely able to contain her laugher. She came back and got into our car, where we laughed so hard we were both crying and I almost got sick.
JR Story
2004 - I had a very embarrassing incident happen to me. Bella and I were getting on the lift. As we skied up to the loading area, the chair was already on the way. I thought I saw the guy reaching up to slow down the lift so we could make the chair. I pulled Bella into the way of the chair, and then realized as the chair came at us quickly, he wasn’t slowing it down. I pulled Bella out of the way, but the chair hit me in the shoulder and knocked me flat. By that time the line to get on the lift had built, so I had a good audience. I’m lying on the ground with both skis on. I’m in tight quarters and had trouble getting my skis situated. The lift operator had now shut down the lift. I tried to get up, but couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get up. The area was slick so the skis wouldn’t dig into ground for me to get up. I could hear laughter from my ever-growing audience. By now the people on the lift were all turned around watching me. The lift operator tried to pull me up, but I could tell as soon as he grabbed me, his angle was wrong and he was not going to be successful. Back down I went. Finally, I just kicked off my skis and crawled off the staging area. I was never so humiliated in my life. I was an old, fat man rolling around unable to get up. I went to the lodge and sat for a while. My shoulder hurt. My knee hurt. My ankle hurt. Most of all, my pride was really injured.
Lydia Stories
2002 - Lydia informed me what she wants to be when she grows up - a famous skater, singer and dancer … until she is thirty. Then she wants to be a zookeeper. Not the financial person - the second in charge – the person who takes care of the animals.
2002 - Lydia is not interested in being married. “There is just too much I want to do.” Although she did tell Lisa that she wants to adopt a 9-year old with long blonde braids.
2002- Lydia asked, “How do women stop from becoming pregnant.” Assuming she was thinking about married families who decide not to have children, I told her “You can have an operation that will stop you from getting pregnant.” Lydia thought for a minute and then asked, “If I don’t get married and don’t hang around with boys, will I get pregnant?” I said, “No – you won’t.” Lydia relieved, said, “Oh good, I didn’t want to have an operation.”
2002 - Lydia is not interested in being married. “There is just too much I want to do.” Although she did tell Lisa that she wants to adopt a 9-year old with long blonde braids.
2002- Lydia asked, “How do women stop from becoming pregnant.” Assuming she was thinking about married families who decide not to have children, I told her “You can have an operation that will stop you from getting pregnant.” Lydia thought for a minute and then asked, “If I don’t get married and don’t hang around with boys, will I get pregnant?” I said, “No – you won’t.” Lydia relieved, said, “Oh good, I didn’t want to have an operation.”
Kid Stories/Quotes (2002 was a good year!)
2002 - Sophia was trying to put the lid on her sippy cup. She told me, “I can buckle these now!” After getting the lid in place she exclaimed, “I snapped it!”
2002 - After a coughing spell Sophia complained, “My mouth itches.”
2002 - Gabi at two years old does not back down from her siblings. If she doesn’t like what they are doing, she yells in a mad voice, “You mean!” Sometimes she scolds the children in words hard to understand, then ends with, “Know dat (that)!”
2002 -We were reading about a duck-billed platypus, which is the only mammal to have a cloaca. This is a single opening for all body waste, feces and urine. It is similar to that of a bird. I asked the children, “What is the difference between how a platypus poops and pees and how Lydia does it?” Isabella replied, “I think a platypus is nastier.”
2002 - Lydia, feeling she is the expert in most things, was teaching Isabella the positions in baseball. She drew a diagram and proceeded to explain to Bella, “This is first base, this is second base, this is third base, and this is fourth base.”
2002 - Jake and I were waiting for the girls outside the bathroom while out shopping. I said, “What is taking them so long?” Jake gave me a look like I was silly, and said, “It’s cause they’re girls, Dad!”
2002- The children always want to sleep with each other. I agreed to let Jake and Sophia sleep together. As I was shutting their door and telling them good night, Sophia asked, “Can we talk about chicken poop?”
2002 - Sophia was reaching and scratching the back of her head. “It fweels wike an oval, it fweels wike and oval.” We ignored her, and she persistently repeated herself. We checked and it was a big tick. She is getting good at her shapes!
2002 - Lydia was in the back of the truck and asked, “Mom, can you turn your ear inside-out?”
2002 - After a coughing spell Sophia complained, “My mouth itches.”
2002 - Gabi at two years old does not back down from her siblings. If she doesn’t like what they are doing, she yells in a mad voice, “You mean!” Sometimes she scolds the children in words hard to understand, then ends with, “Know dat (that)!”
2002 -We were reading about a duck-billed platypus, which is the only mammal to have a cloaca. This is a single opening for all body waste, feces and urine. It is similar to that of a bird. I asked the children, “What is the difference between how a platypus poops and pees and how Lydia does it?” Isabella replied, “I think a platypus is nastier.”
2002 - Lydia, feeling she is the expert in most things, was teaching Isabella the positions in baseball. She drew a diagram and proceeded to explain to Bella, “This is first base, this is second base, this is third base, and this is fourth base.”
2002 - Jake and I were waiting for the girls outside the bathroom while out shopping. I said, “What is taking them so long?” Jake gave me a look like I was silly, and said, “It’s cause they’re girls, Dad!”
2002- The children always want to sleep with each other. I agreed to let Jake and Sophia sleep together. As I was shutting their door and telling them good night, Sophia asked, “Can we talk about chicken poop?”
2002 - Sophia was reaching and scratching the back of her head. “It fweels wike an oval, it fweels wike and oval.” We ignored her, and she persistently repeated herself. We checked and it was a big tick. She is getting good at her shapes!
2002 - Lydia was in the back of the truck and asked, “Mom, can you turn your ear inside-out?”
She Has Heart
Gabi's first two surgeries were a great success. We were told that there was an 80% chance that she would never need another surgery. Unfortunately we learned in April of 2003 that Gabriella would need another surgery. We took Gabi to the Mayo Clinic for a second opinion and they concurred with our cardiologist. The surgery was put off until early 2008. Below are two entries from the Caring Bridge website:
Thursday, March 20, 2008 11:45 AM, CDT
"Gabi arrived at Children's Hospital in Minneapolis yesterday (3/19) at 11:30am. Surgery was scheduled for 1:00pm. Lisa, my father (Jim/Paw Paw) and me (JR) waited with Gabi in Pre-Op. Gabi watched a movie and made a beautiful crown while we waited. She was obviously nervous, but she was brave. They came for Gabi at 2:00pm. Lisa and I dressed in scrubs to be with Gabi until she was asleep on the operating table. It was difficult seeing her lying there in that big room surrounded by an overwhelming amount of equipment and machines."
"Cindy Kerzman joined us as we waited for the surgery to be completed. The surgery lasted about 4-1/2 hours. It went very well. The surgery was intended to remove a sub-aortic stenosis in her left ventricle. They were able to completely remove the obstruction, and the surgeon was obviously pleased with the results. The valve is still leaking mildly, but is not currently of concern. The concern is only if the stenosis returns and causes more damage. There is an 85% chance that the stenosis will not return. One major risk of this surgery was that the procedure was very close to the area where the heart sends electrical impulses. There was a 10% chance that Gabi would need a permanent pacemaker due to damage of the pathway that the impulses travel. Great news - this didn't happen and her heart rhythm is fine. ….."
"After surgery we had to wait a little before we could see Gabi. When we got to go into PICU, although Gabi was hooked up to monitoring equipment, had tubes coming out of her everywhere, and was on a ventilator, she really looked good. Especially considering what she had been through."
"Our expected stay at the hospital is 5 days. I believe we will move out of PICU either tomorrow or Saturday and then move up to the third floor. ….."
Sunday, March 23, 2008 10:11 AM, CDT
"Happy Easter!"
"We are going home! The doctor has released Gabi. Lisa is on the way to the hospital. When she gets here, Nurse Judy will give us our discharge instructions, and then we are on our way."
"Although Gabriella still has a good bit of healing and recovering to do, her progress has been very good. She came in on Wednesday and had open-heart surgery. They told us to expect 5-10 days in the hospital. Four days later she is going home. We are thankful for her quick healing. God’s hands have been on her, protecting her, and watching over her. We praise God for his mercy and goodness! …."
"It was terribly difficult to see Gabriella go through all this, but she was so brave. She really didn’t complain much, and has been strong through this whole experience. Some days she was stronger than me! Gabi is a special girl and we love her so much. "
Thursday, March 20, 2008 11:45 AM, CDT
"Gabi arrived at Children's Hospital in Minneapolis yesterday (3/19) at 11:30am. Surgery was scheduled for 1:00pm. Lisa, my father (Jim/Paw Paw) and me (JR) waited with Gabi in Pre-Op. Gabi watched a movie and made a beautiful crown while we waited. She was obviously nervous, but she was brave. They came for Gabi at 2:00pm. Lisa and I dressed in scrubs to be with Gabi until she was asleep on the operating table. It was difficult seeing her lying there in that big room surrounded by an overwhelming amount of equipment and machines."
"Cindy Kerzman joined us as we waited for the surgery to be completed. The surgery lasted about 4-1/2 hours. It went very well. The surgery was intended to remove a sub-aortic stenosis in her left ventricle. They were able to completely remove the obstruction, and the surgeon was obviously pleased with the results. The valve is still leaking mildly, but is not currently of concern. The concern is only if the stenosis returns and causes more damage. There is an 85% chance that the stenosis will not return. One major risk of this surgery was that the procedure was very close to the area where the heart sends electrical impulses. There was a 10% chance that Gabi would need a permanent pacemaker due to damage of the pathway that the impulses travel. Great news - this didn't happen and her heart rhythm is fine. ….."
"After surgery we had to wait a little before we could see Gabi. When we got to go into PICU, although Gabi was hooked up to monitoring equipment, had tubes coming out of her everywhere, and was on a ventilator, she really looked good. Especially considering what she had been through."
"Our expected stay at the hospital is 5 days. I believe we will move out of PICU either tomorrow or Saturday and then move up to the third floor. ….."
Sunday, March 23, 2008 10:11 AM, CDT
"Happy Easter!"
"We are going home! The doctor has released Gabi. Lisa is on the way to the hospital. When she gets here, Nurse Judy will give us our discharge instructions, and then we are on our way."
"Although Gabriella still has a good bit of healing and recovering to do, her progress has been very good. She came in on Wednesday and had open-heart surgery. They told us to expect 5-10 days in the hospital. Four days later she is going home. We are thankful for her quick healing. God’s hands have been on her, protecting her, and watching over her. We praise God for his mercy and goodness! …."
"It was terribly difficult to see Gabriella go through all this, but she was so brave. She really didn’t complain much, and has been strong through this whole experience. Some days she was stronger than me! Gabi is a special girl and we love her so much. "
Microwavable
2004 - Lisa had made an ice cream pie for company that was over to our house the day before. The children wanted some for a snack and Lisa gave them permission. They got out the pie and some hot fudge from the fridge. The children said to Lisa, who was sitting in the family room not paying attention, “It is hard to get out. How do we get it out”? Without looking up, and assuming they were talking about the hot fudge Lisa said, “Put it in the microwave for one minute.” The children thought that seemed odd but obeyed their mommy and put it in the microwave for one minute. Not the hot fudge, but the ice cream pie … or should I say soup.
More Kid Quotes
Lydia 10yrs old - Lydia was struggling to finish the meat on her plate. She was looking at it and playing with it. She then came up with an idea. "Can I have some noodles? I'm kind of a vegetarian."
Gabi 2yrs old - Gabi loved a bath. Sophia was bathing, and Gabi wanted in. She had already bathed. Lisa told her no and Gabi replied, "I wanna baff. My bottom tinks (stinks) too."
Jake 8yrs old - He affectionately patted Lisa on the bottom. Lisa told him he shouldn't pat her bottom. Jake replied, "Daddy does it." Lisa then said, "well Daddy is my husband." Jake innocently replied, "There's not much difference."
Sophia 3yrs old - She would get envious when Gabi would nurse, and would want to nurse as well. One day she tried to nurse and Lisa told her no. She raised her hands in the air and stated, "but you have two of them."
Jake 4yrs old - Jake was flexing his biceps and was told that he had big muscles. "Yeah, and I got big eaws (ears) too!"
Gabi 3 yrs old - Watching our friend nursing her baby, Gabi innocently told her, “You have little nur nur’s.” Then she asked, “Can I see your nur nurs?"
Sophia 3yrs old - She was sucking her thumb and Lisa asked, "Is that thumb good?" Very seriously Sophia offered her thumb to Lisa and replied, "yeth, twy it."
Lydia 9yrs old - "Daddy, I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings. You said that you are f-a-t. I know what you can do about it." Then in a whisper, "Lose weight."
Isabella 5yrs old - During an errand run with Daddy, Bella said, "I think we've been away from Mommy long enough. Don't you?" JR asked, "Don't you like me?" She said, "Yes, I like you very much. I like you more than snow. I like you more than trees. I like you more than a hayride."
Gabi 2yrs old - Gabi loved a bath. Sophia was bathing, and Gabi wanted in. She had already bathed. Lisa told her no and Gabi replied, "I wanna baff. My bottom tinks (stinks) too."
Jake 8yrs old - He affectionately patted Lisa on the bottom. Lisa told him he shouldn't pat her bottom. Jake replied, "Daddy does it." Lisa then said, "well Daddy is my husband." Jake innocently replied, "There's not much difference."
Sophia 3yrs old - She would get envious when Gabi would nurse, and would want to nurse as well. One day she tried to nurse and Lisa told her no. She raised her hands in the air and stated, "but you have two of them."
Jake 4yrs old - Jake was flexing his biceps and was told that he had big muscles. "Yeah, and I got big eaws (ears) too!"
Gabi 3 yrs old - Watching our friend nursing her baby, Gabi innocently told her, “You have little nur nur’s.” Then she asked, “Can I see your nur nurs?"
Sophia 3yrs old - She was sucking her thumb and Lisa asked, "Is that thumb good?" Very seriously Sophia offered her thumb to Lisa and replied, "yeth, twy it."
Lydia 9yrs old - "Daddy, I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings. You said that you are f-a-t. I know what you can do about it." Then in a whisper, "Lose weight."
Isabella 5yrs old - During an errand run with Daddy, Bella said, "I think we've been away from Mommy long enough. Don't you?" JR asked, "Don't you like me?" She said, "Yes, I like you very much. I like you more than snow. I like you more than trees. I like you more than a hayride."