Luke and Eli were eating pancakes one morning. Luke likes to put powdered sugar on top of pancakes and waffles. Jake was sitting on the couch in the living room and turns around to check on the boys. There sat Eli eating from a mountain of powdered sugar he had poured on his pancakes. He had dumped the entire bag. Later in the day Jake was telling us the story as we traveled in the car. Someone said, “That wouldn’t even taste good!” Eli excitedly interjected, “Yeth it does! I twyed it!”
I took Eli to the bathroom of a restaurant. I’m thinking it’s a quick in-and-out, but Eli informs me that he has to poop. As I’m standing in the stall waiting for Eli to do his job, someone walks into the restroom. Eli loudly asks, “Who is that?” I quietly put my finger up to my lips to tell him to be quiet. Eli again asks, “Who is that?” I try the "finger-to-the-mouth" again and quietly whisper, "I don’t know.” Eli then calls to the unknown visitor, “HELLO??!” No answer. Then again, “HELLO??!” Our visitor somewhat quietly answers back, “Hello.” That satisfied Eli. Then Eli has gas on the toilet. He asks, “Did you hear that?” I shake my head yes. Then there is a plop into the toilet. “Did you hear that?” Another plop. This time louder, “Did you hear that?!” Our visitor leaves the restroom - I’m sure with a story to tell.
I bought a very expensive pair of sunglasses. I have never spent this much on a pair of sun glasses, and I have been paranoid that I am going to lose them or damage them. On the Fourth of July we went to our friends, Andrew and Denise’s cabin which is located on a beautiful lake. At one point Andrew took me out on his Hobie Cat catamaran. It was somewhat windy, so the sailing was a lot of fun. As we came back in from sailing Andrew was going to pull the boat up onto the shore. Several people were swimming in the area, so he said let’s jump off and we’ll pull it into shore. I then jumped off the side of the boat, and two things happened at once. First I was surprised that the water was over my head. Second, my hand got caught and pinched on a cable. I disguised both my pain and the shock, and quickly began to help guide the Hobie Cat onto shore. I then walked up to the cabin as lunch was being served. When it became time to go back down to the beach I could not find my sunglasses. I had no memory of taking them off. I couldn’t imagine where they had gone. I was sure that if they fell off when we were sailing I would remember. After a great deal of searching … no sun glasses. Apparently when I jumped off the boat my glasses came off and due to the shock and pain I didn’t even notice. Although I tried to forget about the big sum of money I paid for those glasses, it was a little hard. I couldn’t help but be a little depressed even though I was working hard not to be. Later in the day Andrew went into the water to swim. As he was standing in almost neck deep water he noticed in the very clear water something on the bottom of the lake. He dove down and guess what … he found the sun glasses. It was a miracle - he walked to the exact place the glasses had landed, and then actually saw them.
Luke was in one of his annoying moods. I jokingly told him he better straighten up or I was going to thump him on the back of the head. Eli yells from across the room, “Do it Daddy!”
Eli is a magician. He can make things disappear. His most recent trick involves my battery charger for my camera. I had the charger and the battery plugged-in. I went to retrieve the battery and both the charger and the battery were gone. I immediately found the battery amongst Eli’s toys, but no charger. A massive hunt was organized, but no charger. We assumed that if time went by it would turn up. After a couple weeks, still no charger.
Jake was playing an AAU basketball game and his team was winning easily. During a late game break Luke ran out onto the court to take a few shots (this is an acceptable thing during some AAU games – depending upon the refs). One of the referees approached him and asked which boy was his brother. Luke told him, and then the referee asked Luke if Jake was mean to him. Luke answered, “Yes.” The referee smiled and said, “Then I’ll call a foul on him for you.” There were only a few minutes left in the game. As the opposing team brought the ball up the court Jake began to guard his man. He barely touched him and the whistle blew. As he promised the ref called a foul on Jake. Jake gave the ref a look of surprise, and the ref smiled real big and looked at Luke and said, “That was for you!”
Why is it that every child must cut their own hair at least once? Eli just had his first self-haircut. He hacked it up pretty bad!
A thunderstorm blew in and the weather changed dramatically. The lightning was frequent and close. The thunder was loud. Eli was getting nervous. He came to me and asked, “Daddy, are you fweaked (freaked) out?”
Lydia recently discovered that her favorite perfume she has been wearing for two years is actually not perfume. It is bathroom spray. She said she always wondered why it was so inexpensive.
Sophia participated in the county fair this week. She showed Dakota again this year, and had a great time. She moved up a class this year, so the competition was much tougher. Even so, Sophia won several ribbons and qualified for the state fair in western pleasure. She is quite excited (by Sophia’s standards – Sophia is not a very expressive person) about getting to go to the state fair. On Saturday Sophia and her horse had an accident. As she was walking Dakota past another horse, that horse decided to take a nip at Dakota. Dakota swung his head toward the other horse, but made contact with Sophia’s face. Sophia ended up with a shiner and cuts on her face from her glasses. Dakota also ended up with a cut on his face from the glasses. Sophia was a bit shaken-up, but she was back with her horse in no time
Lisa recently made a social etiquette mistake that I will NEVER make! She is checking out at Wal-Mart and the cashier (who happens to be over-weight) tells Lisa that she is very tired. Then she gave Lisa a certain look (which Lisa misinterpreted), and says, “It’s not because I’ve worked hard today.” Lisa then asks the question! The question I will never ask a woman unless I already know the answer for sure! Lisa gives her that knowing look back and asks, “Are you pregnant?” She was not!
Speaking of Wal-Mart; I decided that after watching all the Sherburne County Fair attendees, Wal-Mart had to be empty. The fair brings out the community’s finest. Lots of big, hairy men without shirts. I loved the very big man with a tremendously large belly, wearing a t-shirt which read, “With a body like this, who needs hair.” I was approached by a transgender in-the-making who wanted to help me with financial planning. He/she had a woman’s haircut, breasts, but a man’s voice and a 5-o’clock shadow. The name on the business card was Rikki. Rikki was very nice!
Luke enjoyed the fair. He entered a pedal-tractor pull and finished second in his age group. He also had his number drawn and won a new BMX bike. Eli was crushed; he couldn’t understand why he didn’t get a bike. The next morning he woke up and the first thing he said to me was, "Daddy, I had a dream that I won a bike."
That reminds me – Today I’m in Wal-Mart. I know it sounds like we're there a lot, but we live in a rural community and that is the closet place to shop. So I’m in the restroom and this guy is standing in front of the mirror putting on a tie. Once he gets it on he comes to the urinal next to me and puts his arm (elbow to wrist) on the wall up above his urinal. He gives off a manly groan of relief. Then he asks me if my wife cooks for me. I give him a glance and say yes. He then produces a business card which he hands me. Now, I politely take it, but I didn’t really want to. It came from the “busy” hand - not the one on the wall. He then gives me a very compelling sales pitch on the flatware and knives that he sells. I then exit the restroom looking for Lisa to tell her the story. Before I can find her, the bathroom salesman exits and begins to leave the store. He runs into Lisa before I get to her and starts up his sales pitch with her. I think that new Wal-Mart tie gave him some confidence!